Heather Sellers:

For the first time in my life, I felt I could see all the versions of my mother at once.  For the first time, I recognized my mother and saw chaos for what it was: chaos.  It was something I knew, but not something I was in.  I felt clear and strong and calm.  I didn't need her to see me or know me; she wasn't going to be able to do that.  And I could see what needed to happen next.  I could hear Helder whispering in my ear: Sure, help her, do the good-daughter thing -- but do it for yourself and with no attachment to any outcome.  Nothing you do will hold.  Nothing will change.  You can live with a lack of clarity.

You Don't Look Like Anyone I Know, p. 217