Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Quote of the Day

At its core, kindness is a total absence of ego and self-interest in doing something for someone else.  The defining feature of kindness is that it comes unsolicited, and in its most awe-inspiring moments, it comes to the aid of those who are shunned.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 58

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Quote of the Day

Whiteness grows more shameless, more cruel, more uncaring by the day.  How many of you have really tried to put yourself in our position?

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 59

Monday, May 22, 2017

Quote of the Day

More people have been slaughtered in the name of religion than for any other single reason.  That, my friends, that is true perversion.

-- Harvey Milk
More people have been slaughtered in the name of religion than for any other single reason. That, my friends, that is true perversion.
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/h/harvey_milk.html

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Quote of the Day

The value of simple kindness can be hard to accept when you're trying to learn the Perfect Way to comfort someone, especially when you're anxious about what not to do or say.  This is why Dr. Charles Garfield, founder of the Shanti Project, which trains volunteers to care for the sick, opens up his training with the following: "Everyone wants skills.  How to say this?  How to do that?  But when people are dying, no amount of skills will earn you trust like the kindness that brings you to them in the first place.  If you take nothing else from this training, take this: Your kindness is your credential."

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 58

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Quote of the Day

What starts as shame may end as transformation.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 59

Friday, May 19, 2017

Quote of the Day

Maybe because our lives can get more and more mundane the older we get, we find that what sustains us over the long haul -- past all the breakups and professional screwups and weight gain and hair loss -- is not the glittery connections we make when feeling on top of the world, but those we forge when we're at our lowest.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 57

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Quote of the Day

Maybe enough time has passed for us to admit that the [O. J.] Simpson verdict made liars of white and black folk alike.  But the lie began long before the Simpson trial.  It has roots in whiteness itself, in whiteness that is a construct, an invention, that keeps white folk ignorant of black life.  It makes so many of you, if we're honest, largely indifferent to black life.  Admit it: you go on your merry white way as if the police aren't routinely hammering black folk without cause, aren't daily brutalizing us in front of your faces, aren't murdering black folk without so much as blinking an eye.  You didn't care then.  And tell the truth -- many of you don't really care now.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 58-59

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Quote of the Day

If you're worried that you've screwed up in trying to offer support [to someone who is grieving or suffering], said the wrong thing, or felt like the biggest idiot -- remember that you're not feeling half as terrible as the person at the center of it.  Reaching out and fumbling is often far better than not reaching out at all.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 52

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Quote of the Day

In the end, history is never just what the people who experience it say it is.  That's particularly true if those people are not in power, or if their voices, or their view of things, run counter to what the larger culture thinks is true -- in short, what the larger culture thinks is valuable, justifiable, even righteous.  The winners, alas, still write history.  To say this out loud, in this day and age, when whiteness has congratulated itself for its tolerance of other cultures and peoples, is to invite real resistance from white America.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 53

Monday, May 15, 2017

Quote of the Day

If a person is sobbing over a pile of dishes and a pile of bills -- and what feels like a pile of rubble that was formerly their life -- it can feel painful and even pointless to ask for help.  This means that as a caring bystander, you have the opportunity -- and the responsibility -- to show up and offer help without being asked.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 52

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Quote of the Day

I'm not asking you to let go of your humanity, but, in the best way possible, to find your way back to it.  You can let go of whiteness when you see it as a moral choice, an ideology, a politic, a terribly fearful reaction to the thing it hates the most but can least afford to do without: the black people it helped to will into existence.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 49

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Quote of the Day

The thing about grief is that it can seem like it will never, ever end.  And in a number of ways, it doesn't.  As anyone in the grief world knows, you don't get over loss.  You learn to live with it.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 48

Friday, May 12, 2017

Quote of the Day

The only way to save our nation, and, yes, to save yourselves, is to let go of whiteness and the vision of American history it supports.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 49

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Quote of the Day

It's not so much that we forgive to forget, but that we forgive in order to learn about others, learn about ourselves, and let go of resentments that hold us down.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 39

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Quote of the Day

Whiteness is an advantage and privilege because you have made it so, not because the universe demands it.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 44

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Quote of the Day

Forgiveness doesn't mean burying our feelings and crossing our fingers that they'll just go away.  In order to successfully forgive, we need to take a look at the source of our anger or hurt, with the help of listening friends and occasionally, a professional.  Often, such feelings are rooted in our own sense of unworthiness.  Forgiveness comes when we're able to recognize that the other person's actions were more about them -- their own motivations and context -- than about us.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 39

Monday, May 8, 2017

Quote of the Day

Just two weeks before his death, (Martin Luther King, Jr.) announced, with a broken heart, "Yes, it is true...America is a racist country."  That is why King is important to this generation, to this time, to this nation, to our people.  He spoke the truth that we have yet to fully acknowledge.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 40

Sunday, May 7, 2017

Quote of the Day

When we feel others have failed us with their "deficient" efforts, we'll often judge our own efforts to comfort by the same (impossible) standards.  Such high standards of ourselves can make us feel inadequate, prompting us to shy away and do nothing for fear our effort will fall short.  Or, they can cause us to give too much or with excessive worry, which are tendencies that make our gifts harder to receive.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 37

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Quote of the Day

Either you give the Negro his God-given rights and his freedom or you face the fact of continual social disruption and chaos.  America, which will you choose?

-- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Friday, May 5, 2017

Quote of the Day

There are people who let us down, over and over again, and learning to expect less of them is a great practice in self-care.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 37

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Quote of the Day

Lord, Dear Lord, I don't want to feel this way, but I swear to you I want to kill dead any Godforsaken soul who thinks that killing black people is an acceptable price to pay for keeping this nation safe.  But then, am I any better than that soul?

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 32

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Quote of the Day

If we view people's efforts of kindness as "not enough," then we will likely continue to be disappointed.  That's because if people are afraid of failing us, they will more likely shy away.  Not because they are bad people or evil people.  Like all of us, they're just scared humans who hate the feeling of failure.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 36

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Quote of the Day

So many whites say they hate the quotas they associate with affirmative action, but quotas don't seem to bother the white folk in blue who can't get enough of them as they harass one black citizen after another.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 31

Monday, May 1, 2017

Quote of the Day

Being kind to others begins with being kind to ourselves.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 31

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Quote of the Day

I have always impressed on (my oldest son) the need to be extra courteous and not to in any way rile up the police.  It is often an exercise in humiliation, one that white folk barely have to think about, but one that can mean the difference between life and death for us.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 28

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Quote of the Day

Believing that you're incapable of connecting during painful times can isolate you from life's most connected moments.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 30

Friday, April 28, 2017

Quote of the Day

Lessons of race that are learned early are hard to get rid of later on.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 25

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Quote of the Day

It feels really grown-up in a good way when we accept things about ourselves, like not wearing heels, not liking whiskey, or not wanting to tell the cabdriver our life story on the way to the airport.  Then we can relax into who we really are and stop using up energy on things that don't matter.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 28

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Quote of the Day

Regardless of the NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) person's capacity for change, your own growth and assertiveness efforts will reduce the degree of toxic narcissism in this relationship whether it is a co-worker, friend, family member, or partner, transforming the relationship to a more benign coexistence.  You may even see the beginnings of genuine growth.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 174

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Quote of the Day

This is what race hate does to our kids ... It makes them develop a tough exterior to combat the flow of racial insanity into their minds.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 25

Monday, April 24, 2017

Quote of the Day

Guilt can be useful when it reminds us to do better, and when it lifts us up to be more responsible, mature people.  But when guilt's end game is simply more guilt with a side of guilt, without ever changing us for the better, then it only drags us down.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 28

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Quote of the Day

If you are involved with a person who has the full narcissistic disorder, you will experience what is best epitomized in an analogy to a black hole -- an area in outer space so powerful that everything around it is sucked in, including light.  The black hole is the ultimate archetype of the one-way relationship with the narcissist.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 172-173

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Quote of the Day

Oh God, we are near complete despair.  How can we possibly change our fate?  How can we possibly persuade our society that we deserve to be treated with decency and respect?  How can we possibly fight a criminal justice system that has been designed to ensure our defeat?  How can we possibly combat the blindness of white men and women who are so deeply invested in their own privilege that they cannot afford to see how much we suffer?

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 21

Friday, April 21, 2017

Quote of the Day

If we really want to have authentic connections with others, then we need to talk about two kinds of psychological baggage we tend to carry around, which make us completely self-conscious about our capacity to connect with people: (1) guilt about how we've let others down, and (2) resentment about being let down by others in the past.  The resulting beliefs -- that we are not enough, and that others are not enough -- get in the way of trusting our innate capacities to give.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 27

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Quote of the Day

As we compassionately come to terms with the truth of our deeper feelings and experiences from childhood, we learn empathy for ourselves.  In turn, this empathy helps us let go of the anger we feel with the narcissist.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 171

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Quote of the Day

Almighty, hear our prayer.  Oh God, how we suffer.  We your servants are ensnared in tragedy that doesn't end.  We can do nothing to make our tormentors stop their evil.  We cannot convince them that we are your children and don't deserve this punishment.  We have tried everything we can to keep them from slaughtering us in the streets.  They hide behind the state to justify killing us.  They say we are scary, that they are afraid for their lives.  They say this even when we have nothing in our hands but air.  They say this even when they are armed with weapons meant to remove us from the face of the earth.  They say this even when they must throw down guns to pretend that we intended to do them harm.  They say this even when video proves they are lying through their teeth.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 21

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Quote of the Day

If you're choosing between saying something and saying nothing [when someone in your life is hurting], you're almost always better off saying something.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 15

Monday, April 17, 2017

Quote of the Day

What it comes to is that if we, who can scarcely be considered a white nation, persist in thinking of ourselves as one, we condemn ourselves, with the truly white nations, to sterility and decay, whereas if we could accept ourselves as we are, we might bring new life to the Western achievements, and transform them . . . The price of this transformation is the unconditional freedom of the Negro . . . He is the key figure in his country, and the American future is precisely as bright or as dark as his.

-- James Baldwin

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Quote of the Day

Discovering the truth about ourselves, our thoughts, feelings, and desires is our greatest step towards growth.  When we earnestly search for the truth of our feelings, we will be ready to respond to the projections of the narcissist.  As you see past the false projections and set limits on the "entitlement" behaviors, you are free to pursue genuine respect, friendship, and love.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 170

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Quote of the Day

We must face up to what we as a country have made of the black people who have been the linchpin of democracy, the folk who saved America from itself, who redeemed it from the hypocrisy of proclaiming liberty and justice for all while denying all that liberty and justice should be to us.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 4-5

Friday, April 14, 2017

Quote of the Day

If you think an awkward response to a friend's crisis will make them feel bad, then you should know that if you say nothing, they will likely feel worse.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 15

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Quote of the Day

Negative feelings don't disappear simply because we do not want to deal with them -- they, in fact, become more intense.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 169

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Quote of the Day

There are days -- this is one of them -- when you wonder what your role is in this country and what your future is in it.  How precisely are you going to reconcile yourself to your situation here and how you are going to communicate to the vast, heedless, unthinking, cruel white majority that you are here.  I'm terrified at the moral apathy, the death of the heart, which is happening in my country.  These people have deluded themselves for so long that they really don't think I'm human.  And I base this on their conduct, not on what they say.  And this means that they have become in themselves moral monsters.

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 39

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Quote of the Day

You'll find that making the effort to connect is worth the peace of mind it brings -- not to mention a better night's sleep, because you aren't lying awake at night feeling like a terrible person for not emailing so-and-so.  In addition to the feeling of well-being that comes with aligning your actions with your intentions, this empathy practice will result in more meaningful connections.  Not just in terms of what you give, but in terms of what you receive.  Your circle of care will widen, from your best friend to a colleague to a neighbor to a causal acquaintance to even a stranger.  It sounds paradoxical, but it's true: being there in moments of suffering can actually lead to more joy.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 8-9

Monday, April 10, 2017

Quote of the Day

Eventually, you must come to terms with the fact that the NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) person may be unable [to] see you.  She is generally seeing only her projected image of you alongside her determination for you to conform to this image.  The painful truth you must reconcile is her inability to acknowledge you for yourself.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 169

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Quote of the Day

... apathy and ignorance, which is the price we pay for segregation.  That's what segregation means.  You don't know what's happening on the other side of the wall, because you don't want to know.

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 40

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Quote of the Day

Consequently, your first ally is knowledge about healthy and unhealthy narcissism.  The more you know, the less you will fear.  With knowledge and understanding, you will be able to stand your ground when the NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) individual puts you on the defensive.  Eventually, you must face the truth about the deteriorating impact that this relationship is having on your life.  Until you recognize that your avoidance of the problems in this relationship only contributes to more losses, you will likely stay in your comfort zone no matter how unsatisfied you feel.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 168

Friday, April 7, 2017

Quote of the Day

What white people have to do is try and find out in their own hearts why it was necessary to have a "nigger" in the first place, because I'm not a nigger, I'm a man.  But if you think I'm a nigger, it means you need him.  The question that you've got to ask yourself, the white population of this country has got to ask itself, North and South because it's one country and for a Negro there is no difference between the North and the South -- it's just a difference in the way they castrate you, but the fact of the castration is the American fact ... If I'm not the nigger here and you invented him, you the white people invited him, then you've got to find out why.  And the future of the country depends on that, whether or not it is able to ask that question.

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 108-109

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Quote of the Day

If you are presently in a relationship with a narcissist person, you will need to develop awareness and confidence in your feelings, choices, and abilities before you can clear up your confusion about the relationship.  Your biggest trap is probably fear -- fear of the unknown.  Fear may provoke you to continually excuse the NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) person and to doubt yourself.  You may choose to keep your head in the sand, fearful of what it might mean if you recognize the depth of the problem.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 168

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Quote of the Day

The future of the Negro in this country is precisely as bright or as dark as the future of the country.  It is entirely up to the American people and our representatives -- it is entirely up to the American people whether or not they are going to face and deal with and embrace this stranger who they have maligned so long. 

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 108

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Quote of the Day

Like Dorothy, perhaps we have to learn the hard way.  Dorothy came perilously close to being burned alive before she could wake up to the fact that she had been chasing an illusion.  For the same reasons, we must see past the impressive show of the NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) individual and penetrate our own false beliefs before we can recognize our capacity and birthright for love.  Our courage to confront the illusions of toxic narcissism will come from some painful moment that helps us break free and see the hidden truth under the surface.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 167

Monday, April 3, 2017

Quote of the Day

I attest to this: the world is not white; it never was white, cannot be white.  White is a metaphor for power, and that is simply a way of describing Chase Manhattan Bank.

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 107

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Quote of the Day

Just as Dorothy cannot make use of the power that is literally at her feet, we cannot make use of our inner gifts until we can claim with confidence that we have these natural abilities.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 167

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Quote of the Day

You cannot lynch me and keep me in ghettos without becoming something monstrous yourselves.  And furthermore, you give me a terrifying advantage.  You never had to look at me.  I had to look at you.  I know more about you than you know about me.

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 103

Friday, March 31, 2017

Quote of the Day

In the end, the constant pursuit of maintaining a presentation that is "larger than life," whether it is talent, beauty, achievement, or some other quality, leaves us empty, unfulfilled, and yearning for something more.  Like the Wizard in his castle, the narcissist eventually becomes a prisoner of his own defenses, disconnected and alone.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 166

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Quote of the Day

I sometimes feel it to be an absolute miracle that the entire black population of the United States of America has not long ago succumbed to raging paranoia.  People finally say to you, in an attempt to dismiss the social reality, "But you're so bitter!"  Well, I may or may not be bitter, but if I were, I would have good reasons for it: chief among them that American blindness, or cowardice, which allows us to pretend that life presents no reasons for being bitter.

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 98

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Quote of the Day

The word narcissism in general means "self-worship."  Consequently, unhealthy narcissism is a form of claiming too much for the self, whether we are taking resources from others, or indulging too much pride in our talents or achievements.  Perhaps we have had fortunate circumstances in business, family position, beauty, or other inherent gifts from God or the natural world.  While healthy narcissism does involve our ability to feel proud of special accomplishments and to take pleasure in our abilities, we generally know that heady feeling when we indulge in undue pride, a tendency that leads to self aggrandizement.  The moment we claim more credit for ourselves than we deserve, we participate in the illusion of "special ownership" or "entitlement" and head towards the dead-end of toxic narcissism.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 166

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Quote of the Day

Force does not work the way its advocates think in fact it does.  It does not, for example, reveal to the victim the strength of the adversary.  On the contrary, it reveals the weakness, even the panic of the adversary and this revelation invests the victim with patience.

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 91

Monday, March 27, 2017

Quote of the Day

With a surface presentation that is often captivating, we are drawn to the narcissist.  Initially our feelings of attraction, admiration, or intimidation become the emotional state that holds us spellbound.  Eventually, however, the negative influences of the narcissist erode our trust and confidence inducing a state of emotional paralysis.  And the length of time that we struggle to find our way out of the narcissist's world can vary from days -- to years -- to a whole lifetime.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 165-166

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Quote of the Day

When the Israelis pick up guns, or the Poles, or the Irish, or any white man in the world says "give me liberty, or give me death," the entire white world applauds.  When a black man says exactly the same thing, word for word, he is judged a criminal and treated like one and everything possible is done to make an example of this bad nigger, so there won't be any more like him.

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 81-82

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Quote of the Day

At the extreme end of the continuum, we see what happens when the malignant narcissist takes power.  These individuals often begin as the charismatic autocratic leader who can influence masses of people to abuse and violate the rights and/or boundaries of other groups or nations.  As free thinkers in a democratic society, we must learn to recognize and resist unhealthy narcissism in others and ourselves if we are to avoid and prevent the toxic and infectious nature of such movements.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 164

Friday, March 24, 2017

Quote of the Day

It is impossible to accept the premise of the story [featured in the film The Defiant Ones], a premise based on the profound American misunderstanding of the nature of the hatred between black and white.  The root of the black man's hatred is rage, and he does not so much hate white men as simply wants them out of his way, and more than that, out of his children's way.  The root of the white man's hatred is terror, a bottomless and nameless terror, which focuses on this dread figure, an entity which lives only in his mind.

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 60

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Quote of the Day

Boundary setting skills with the narcissist is equal to self-preservation when it comes to your career, and the potential negative impact to your self-esteem.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 163

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Quote of the Day

This [Negro] problem, which (white Americans) invented in order to safeguard their purity, has made of them criminals and monsters, and it is destroying them.  And this, not from anything blacks may or may not be doing but because of the role of a guilty and constricted white imagination as assigned to the blacks.

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 58

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Quote of the Day

 The NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) person in the workplace will have a tendency to create havoc among his peers and simultaneously rise to a position of power because he flourishes in a competitive environment.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 162

Monday, March 20, 2017

Quote of the Day

I have always been struck, in America, by an emotional poverty so bottomless, and a terror of human life, of human touch, so deep, that virtually no American appears able to achieve any viable, organic connection between his public stance and his private life.  This failure of the private life has always had the most devastating effect on American public conduct, and on black-white relations.  If Americans were not so terrified of their private selves, they would never have become so dependent on what they call "the Negro problem."

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 56

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Quote of the Day

Toxic narcissism exists in the shadows, often remaining invisible until revealed by the pain it causes others.  If we are to prevent these dangers, we must become more psychologically sophisticated, working through our own narcissist tendencies and proactively drawing the line on abusive tendencies in other individuals, groups, and potential world leaders.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 161

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Quote of the Day

When Malcolm [X] talks, or the other Muslim ministers talk, they articulate for all the Negro people who hear them, who listen to them, they articulate their suffering.  The suffering which has been in this country so long denied.  That is Malcolm's great authority over any of his audiences.  He corroborates their reality.  He tells them that they really exist, you know.

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 39

Friday, March 17, 2017

Quote of the Day

Encounters with the narcissist and the malignant narcissist force us to recognize the lesson that we need to learn most -- that human existence is complex, and we must accept responsibility for this complexity.  We cannot have simplistic answers and solutions to our lives, nor can we complacently rely on old formulas that may have once guided our choices.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 161

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Quote of the Day

how is it so easy for you
to be kind to people he asked

milk and honey dripped
from my lips as i answered

cause people have not
been kind to me

-- Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey, p. 11

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Quote of the Day

Our own country seems at times to hang dangerously in the balance as the unwieldy size of our government bodies and corporations leave the empowerment of the individual behind.  Caught by an increasing sense of alienation and hopelessness, we could fall prey to the insidious tendency to hand over power to the narcissist leader or group that promises to deliver a shiny new sense of individuality -- a potential imposter of our true ideals.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 160

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Quote of the Day

There is a great deal of difference between nonresistance to evil and nonviolent resistance.

-- Martin Luther King Jr.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Quote of the Day

On the codependent side of the coin, many individuals in England and America [following World War I] were similarly blinded by their righteous attachment to their "pacifist" ideologies -- to such a point that they could not recognize the inevitable danger to their own free society.  Like the entrenched codependent with the NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) individual, these groups regularly called for soul searching and an ever-increasing intention to reason with Hitler to prevent conflict.  Caught up in a stubborn denial, the pacifists were unable to recognize the important warning signs of malignant narcissism gathering strength in an entire nation of people.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 160

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Quote of the Day

White people are astounded by Birmingham.  Black people aren't.  White people are endlessly demanding to be reassured that Birmingham is really on Mars.  They don't want to believe, still less to act on the belief, that what is happening in Birmingham is happening all over the country.  They don't want to realize that there is not one step, morally or actually, between Birmingham and Los Angeles.

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 34

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Quote of the Day

The following dynamics are universally shared by groups of people developing severe narcissistic tendencies.  These tendencies in turn foster an attitude of righteous justification for the destructive and domineering behaviors towards other groups or nations.
  • Child rearing practices that emphasize rigid conformity and unquestioning obedience to the beliefs of the parents.
  • Over-emphasis on conformity and an intolerance of diversity in society at large.
  • Grandiose ideology -- self-righteousness of one's beliefs as superior over others.
  • Tendencies towards paranoia (i.e., censorship of opposing opinions).
  • An inability to engage in a rational dialogue that acknowledges the rights of others.
  • Over simplistic thinking: all or nothing, black or white thinking.
 -- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 159-160

Friday, March 10, 2017

Quote of the Day

Perhaps one of the more insidious forms of group narcissism occurs among the CEOs and vice-presidents of many modern corporations around the globe.  Hidden behind the boardroom doors, we often learn too late how profit-hunting groups make decisions with impunity that ravage the health or finances of unsuspecting individuals or ruin the precious resources of our planet.  These groups reflect all the dynamics of covert narcissism and have less and less accountability for their actions, a dangerous combination for the well being of everyone.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 159

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Quote of the Day

A cultural mindset that leads to child-rearing practices that ignore the thoughts and feelings of the child and emphasize blind obedience are the very conditions that make a group of people vulnerable to fascist movements.  

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 158-159

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Quote of the Day

Both Hitler and Bin Laden, however, beg a far more important question.  How do such sick and destructive individuals become legitimized and endorsed by entire nations or masses of people throughout the world?  We can see on the surface that the malignant narcissist in power is an individual who uses his charisma and intelligence to inflate an ideology among a group of people who are vulnerable to blindly follow, no matter how irrational the claims appear to be.  Members of both the Nazi Aryan supremacists and the extreme Muslim fundamentalists foster the delusion that their people are the only "true" people -- believing that everyone else must meet their test of conformity or be destroyed.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 158

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Quote of the Day

As with Hitler, it is Bin Laden's envy and desire for revenge that ultimately drove him to topple the World Trade Towers -- the unmistakable symbol of economic superiority in the very heart of America's greatest city.  The ideology of extreme Muslim fundamentalism, like the extreme ideologies of any other fanatical group, simply becomes the convenient framework for the malignant narcissist to express his boundless hatred and desire for revenge.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 158

Monday, March 6, 2017

Quote of the Day

... envy is the primary conscious feeling that drives the NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) individual to compete and surpass those whom he regards as more powerful and/or successful.  The sociopath-narcissist will obsessively focus on those individuals, groups, or nations who represent the pinnacle of power and success, devising and conspiring ways to overthrow them.  Just as Hitler demonstrated with his book, Mein Kampf, Bin Laden also made no secret of his intentions to destroy the United States, progressively vilifying all Americans whom he saw as the source of "Muslim shame."

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 157

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Quote of the Day

When we can recognize attitudes and behaviors that reflect unhealthy narcissism, we can become our own gardeners, uprooting these behaviors in ourselves.  Similarly, we can prevent others from encroaching into boundaries where they don't belong and assertively redirect an unhealthy path in another person.  At the very least, we may recognize the potential for violence that so frequently appears to strike us from nowhere and take preventative action.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 155

Saturday, March 4, 2017

Quote of the Day

Narcissism is the last train stop before Hell!  In other words, if we don't confront unhealthy degrees of narcissism in ourselves as well as in others, we may fail to catch a destructive tendency before it does significant damage.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 154

Friday, March 3, 2017

Quote of the Day

Unhealthy narcissism often becomes so pathological it seems indistinguishable from evil.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 154

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Quote of the Day

Sickness that becomes so twisted it crosses over into "evil" does not fall from the sky like a meteor or materialize in a puff of smoke from other worlds ruled by the devil.  Sickness evolves into evil from innumerable small, subtle, and incremental actions (little lies, if you will), like missing a road sign and then stubbornly refusing to acknowledge that we have gone awry.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 154

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Quote of the Day

It must be made clear that the importance of identifying and understanding severe degrees of pathological narcissism is not just for the improved quality of our personal lives.  Our very survival as a society and species is most likely dependent on our recognition of unhealthy narcissism and our ability to confront these issues in others and ourselves.  We must come to terms with the fact that the human psyche is complicated, and we are obligated to develop psychological understanding beyond simplistic notions of right and wrong or good and evil.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 153-154

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Quote of the Day

Finding out too late that one of your clients is a narcissist can be costly, not only emotionally, but also financially, and professionally.  The narcissist's attitude of entitlement alongside a potentially compromised capacity for ethical behavior can leave you high and dry after investing considerable effort, time, and money.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 153

Monday, February 27, 2017

Quote of the Day

Anyone who has walked the gauntlet of dealing with an NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) individual in the workplace knows full well how painful things can become.  Your best protection is identifying this individual early in the game and employing self-preservation strategies.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 151

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Quote of the Day

Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.
 
-- James Baldwin

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Quote of the Day

Use the leverage of your own expertise or productivity to keep the NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) person's behaviors in check.  Be cautious as you offer your advice, remaining vigilant about what the NPD individual wants from you.  Remember that any honeymoon period of cooperation you have with this person will last only as long as you have something she wants from you.  Steel yourself for the moment when she projects her difficulties onto you.  Be ready to stand up for yourself calmly and firmly without the expectation that she will acknowledge your position.  For emotional support, utilize an outside support person (preferably outside the work setting, or an ironclad safe person within the work setting) who can validate your efforts and encourage you to stand up for yourself.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 148-149

Friday, February 24, 2017

Quote of the Day

... you many not be immediately aware of the presence of this (narcissistic personality) disorder in a person until she feels displeased with you in some way.  Initially, in fact, if you have something that an NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) colleague wants, such as status, money, power, beauty, etc., she may pursue and shower you with attention in an effort to gratify you.  However, as soon [as] you become more closely involved with her, you will begin to feel the current of the one-way street.  At first you may simply feel a sense of frustration that this person tends to distract you from your work, perhaps requiring an excess of attention and support.  Inevitably, over time, you will have stronger feelings of frustration and exasperation, as well as a growing uneasiness about the relationship.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 146-147

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Quote of the Day

 The NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) businessperson is acutely aware of who is getting what in terms of recognition, opportunity, and power-making decisions.  The ability to gain influence over potential competitors is a drive that will not abate until the NPD individual has surpassed that person or neutralized any threat to his own goal.  Consequently, you must achieve a bottom line of boundary setting ability with this person.  This is essential if you are going to prevent problems or defend yourself effectively from the NPD coworker or, worse yet, the NPD boss.  Along with protecting yourself from hurt, exploitation, or betrayal, we are also now talking about self-preservation in terms of your career.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 146

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Quote of the Day

... no one can play tougher, meaner, and more cleverly than the NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) individual.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 146

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Quote of the Day

The more narcissistic, self-absorbed, or "me focused" an individual is, the more she is caught in the perpetual striving to feel important, valued, stable, and secure.  The codependent individual, who is "other focused," is stuck striving for a sense of self by gaining and maintaining the acceptance and approval of others (primarily through their ability to give -- especially empathy).  The narcissistic individual typically externalizes her flaws onto others and defends against the self-reflection that would require developing empathy for others.  Similarly, the codependent is the person who internalizes the flaws of others onto herself and defends against recognizing her need to develop her strengths through self-assertion and self-care.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 145

Monday, February 20, 2017

Quote of the Day

Overall, the ability to consider others and be concerned about their needs is a quality that is quite wonderful to have.  However, when we always push the same character quality to the front of the line, the virtues of listening, empathizing, and supporting quickly turn into the character defect of care-taking behaviors.  In the end, care taking is not only unhealthy for you, but for the other person too.  For instance, Kalie's friend Dana didn't need another friend to gratify her narcissistic needs; she needed a friend who would confront her behaviors, offering her a chance to look at herself and grow.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 144

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Quote of the Day

... the self-righteous narcissism portrayed in a life of impeccable goodness also prevents the recognition of falseness since this person fully believes that his life reflects nothing but goodness and grace.  His false pride must be exposed by his "empathic failures" -- his inability to forgive and accept the full humanity in others and ultimately in himself.  After all, how can we say that goodness is good without love?  Only when the older brother is challenged to forgive and love his brother with all his faults and failures do we see the narcissism of the eldest brother [in the biblical story of the prodigal son].  In fact, what other means would allow the discovery of unhealthy narcissism in a person who has demonstrated a life of correct living since we cannot see his attitude towards his own human failings?

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 137

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Quote of the Day

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.

-- James Baldwin

Friday, February 17, 2017

Quote of the Day

The ability to recognize your own unhealthy narcissism will empower you to speak out against the unhealthy narcissism in your partner.  Your choices involving your relationship will also become clear to you as you claim a life of authenticity.  When you can build your relationship on the sacred ground of truth and love, you will find the fulfillment and contentment of true intimacy -- an intimacy of love that comes from the deep knowing of another person and, in turn, of being known.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 135

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Quote of the Day

There are not two of you, sir.  There is not you, the father -- and you, the internet misogynist.  The internet you IS YOU.  If you are a misogynist on the internet, you are also a misogynist in your daughter's nursery.  While you are holding her.  While you are whispering to her your dreams for her: That she uses her heart and her mind and her passion to live a big life of purpose.  That's what you want for her right?  That's what all women want.  To be able to be fully human without the threat of violence.  Quit hating your daughter, sir.  She's a Warrior.  When we know better, we do better.  You know better now.  Step up.  For her.

-- Glennon Doyle Melton, "Quit Hating Her"

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Quote of the Day

... intimacy is a "work in progress" and a lifelong commitment.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 133

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Quote of the Day

Here is the thing that misogynists need to keep relearning:

If you call a woman a cunt, you are calling your sister and your mother and your infant daughter a cunt also.  You are actively creating a world in which it is okay to call those women cunts.  You are releasing poison into the air that the women in your life WILL BREATHE BACK IN.  You are poisoning your own people.  You cannot hate a woman for speaking her mind without hating all of us.  Women are a package deal.

-- Glennon Doyle Melton, "Quit Hating Her"

Monday, February 13, 2017

Quote of the Day

The relevance of each partner's childhood history and unresolved emotional issues cannot be sidestepped, no matter how much we would wish to do so ... powerful forces are at play, forces that reinforce our many rationalizations to not explore, not know, and not feel the emotional pain of our early lives.  And perhaps the most discouraging understanding in all of this is that the more intensely a person has been narcissistically wounded in childhood, the more intensely he or she will manifest a defense of denial and repression of this wounding.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 131-132

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Quote of the Day

Songs are safe places where the vulnerable truth can be spoken.

-- Linford Detweiler

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Quote of the Day

The development of empathy is the core issue in your relationship with your narcissistic partner because it is empathy that has been sacrificed in the adoption of the "false self."

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 131

Friday, February 10, 2017

Quote of the Day

Empathy (which is the ability to emotionally understand and or connect with another person) is the ability that is lacking for the narcissistic individual.  Because the only way to truly change and heal this problem is to rediscover and claim the cut-off feelings from childhood, all other avenues of attempting to restore empathy will generally be superficial.  Just offering a set of instructions to the partner on how to behave empathically would not only be a temporary fix, but potentially another re-enactment of childhood wounding because a partner may feel that he or she is only pretending all over again.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 131

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Quote of the Day

One remarkable advantage to couple's therapy is that the struggles between you and your partner point the way like an arrow to the otherwise cryptic and forgotten history of your childhood.  Developing insight into your own childhood wounding can be much easier to accomplish in the forum of couple's therapy.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 130

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Quote of the Day

The discovery of your own truth offers the leverage and capability you have always had but didn't know -- the power to resolve your struggle and find peace.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 122

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Quote of the Day

We are here and around the world for a deep democracy that says we will not be quiet, we will not be controlled, we will work for a world in which all countries are connected.  God may be in the details, but the goddess is in connections.  We are at one with each other, we are looking at each other, not up.  No more asking daddy.

-- Gloria Steinem, Women's March on Washington D.C.

Monday, February 6, 2017

Quote of the Day

I believe that the free expression of resentment against one's parents represents a great opportunity.  It provides access to one's true self, reactivates numbed feelings, opens that way for mourning and...with luck...reconciliation.  In any case, it is an essential part of the process of psychic healing.

-- Alice Miller, For Your Own Good

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Quote of the Day

Until we can acknowledge our feelings with honesty, we cannot assert with confidence our perception of what is false in another person, especially the false self of our partner.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 122

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Quote of the Day

To be free to express resentment dating back to early childhood does not mean that one now becomes a resentful person, but rather the exact opposite.

-- Alice Miller, For Your Own Good

Friday, February 3, 2017

Quote of the Day

Coming on his first full day in office, Trump's 15-minute talk was delivered as he stood before the Wall of Stars that memorializes CIA agents killed in action.  It's hard to imagine that anyone could occupy this spot and speak with so little regard to accuracy and truth.  However, this is Donald Trump, and he didn't get where he is by exercising care, precision and restraint.

-- Michael D'Antonio, "Lying has worked for Donald Trump -- so why stop now?"

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Quote of the Day

Even when a narcissistic parent demonstrates the inability for insight, he is capable of learning (over time) that the ground rules for interacting with you have changed.  He is able to learn that he must curb his inappropriate behaviors.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 94

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Quote of the Day

The day after his inaugural address, Trump -- in a speech to the CIA -- denied ample photographic evidence, insisting that his swearing in was in fact attended by a crowd that "looked like a million, a million and a half people."  He then recruited the Almighty to aid the lie, saying heaven had stopped the rain from falling when he spoke -- "and then it became really sunny."  It rained throughout.

-- Michael D'Antonio, "Lying has worked for Donald Trump -- so why stop now?"

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Quote of the Day

Poems arrive ready to begin.  Poets are only the transportation.

-- Mary Oliver, "Humility"

Monday, January 30, 2017

Quote of the Day

Throughout his life Trump has insisted he is richer than people acknowledge.  Now winning the presidency isn't sufficient.  He wants the final score to be adjusted in his favor.  Trump's complaints and distortions suggest that even as he carries out his duties as President, he will reflexively promote his alternate view of reality.

-- Michael D'Antonio, "Lying has worked for Donald Trump -- so why stop now?"

Sunday, January 29, 2017

Quote of the Day

Each time we express and release some of these painful feelings, we gain confidence in our ability to regroup after a period of emotional work in therapy.  We being to allow ourselves to enter into this process more freely.  Whether we are a CEO, teacher, mother, doctor, or student trying to maintain a challenging life full of responsibilities, we gradually discover that we will not have to drop out of our duties or pursuits in life to do this healing work.  In fact, we recognize the enormous benefit of embarking on this path because we now glimpse greater feelings of aliveness and spontaneity.  We begin to feel the reward of getting in touch with a truer experience of life.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 86

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Quote of the Day

You've got to give Donald Trump points for consistent audacity.  When you lie, distort, and make God an accomplice while speaking to the Central Intelligence Agency -- where facts are the coin of the realm -- you must have absolute confidence in your abilities.  In the first days of his presidency, Trump has shown he will continue to wreak havoc on established facts, even as he ticks items off his political to-do list.

-- Michael D'Antonio, "Lying has worked for Donald Trump -- so why stop now?"

Friday, January 27, 2017

Quote of the Day

Grieving the losses of early childhood is the heart of the healing work we must do.  The beginning stages of this process are undeniably the most difficult.  When we first begin to feel some of the intense feelings we have repressed from childhood, we feel a natural fear that somehow our pain will be limitless.  Countless clients have said to their therapists, "I'm afraid if I let myself cry, I will never stop!"  Fear of being overwhelmed is the unavoidable demon we must wrestle with as we open the door to the truth of our unacknowledged feelings.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 85

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Quote of the Day

All Americans -- especially Trump supporters -- must demand that Trump and his administration always tell us the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  No more fabrications, exaggerations or outright lies by Trump or his officials should be tolerated by any American regardless of political affiliation.  And all Americans -- including the media -- must call out Trump's lies and never accept PC terms for them like "alternative facts."

-- Dean Obeidallah, "Dear team Trump, 'alternative facts' are lies"

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Quote of the Day

... our psyches will push us from within to face our history and the legacy of our parent's history.  The push is usually in the form of a psychological or relationship crisis.  The inevitable first step is finding the courage to face our inner self in a much deeper way than we may have been willing to face before.  Once we have a crisis that we cannot ignore -- whether it is a relationship failure, depression, or unrelenting anxiety -- we may finally allow ourselves permission to look further into our psyches and seek help in therapy.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 84

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Quote of the Day

Not accepting lies as "alternative facts" is an issue that truly must transcend partisan politics.  If Trump and his administration are going to continue lying to us, how can we trust any information they release?  How can we trust the administration's statements on issues like the unemployment rate, GDP growth or numbers of people signing up for government programs like Obamacare?  And even more concerning, how can we trust anything the Trump administration states about national security issues?  When Trump officials tell us that they know who committed a terrorist attack or that they have eliminated terrorists, how can we believe them?

-- Dean Obeidallah, "Dear team Trump, 'alternative facts' are lies"

Monday, January 23, 2017

Quote of the Day

I once heard of a psychoanalyst who was famous for his parting ritual.  He would shake a person's hand and say, "May you have a good nightmare!"  This odd-sounding goodbye reflected his belief that only when we are pushed to the wall by our pain from within, will we face the unresolved issues that reside under the surface of our defenses.  The sufficiently painful "nightmare" that demands our attention to wake up is also our greatest ally, as it signals the beginning of this journey.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 84

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Quote of the Day

Social attitudes oftentimes take generations to change.  But if our democracy is to work in this increasingly diverse nation, then each one of us need to try to heed the advice of a great character in American fiction -- Atticus Finch -- who said "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...until you climb into his skin and walk around in it." ... For native-born Americans, it means reminding ourselves that the stereotypes about immigrants today were said, almost word for word, about the Irish, and Italians, and Poles -- who it was said we're going to destroy the fundamental character of America.  And as it turned out, America wasn't weakened by the presence of these newcomers; these newcomers embraced this nation's creed, and this nation was strengthened.

-- President Barack Obama, Farewell Address

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Quote of the Day

The child who has paid the price of shutting down the feelings of hurt and pain is the adult who remains hostage to the blackmail of his defense mechanisms.  The ransom is the damage that our defenses do to others or ourselves.  For example, we may regularly displace or project our feelings onto others, or instead internalize our feelings causing a depletion of confidence and energy for life.  Perhaps our unacknowledged feelings manifest themselves in the form of chronic irritability, depression, or a negative outlook.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 83

Friday, January 20, 2017

Quote of the Day

Social attitudes oftentimes take generations to change.  But if our democracy is to work in this increasingly diverse nation, then each one of us need to try to heed the advice of a great character in American fiction -- Atticus Finch -- who said "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...until you climb into his skin and walk around in it." ... For white Americans, it means acknowledging that the effects of slavery and Jim Crow didn't suddenly vanish in the '60s [and] that when minority groups voice discontent, they're not just engaging in reverse racism or practicing political correctness.  When they wage peaceful protest, they're not demanding special treatment but the equal treatment that our Founders promised.

-- President Barack Obama, Farewell Address

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Quote of the Day

Whenever we lack empathy for our children or someone else (provided we acknowledge it), we can begin to recognize that we are in close proximity to a deeper connection with our own childhood wounding.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 83

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Quote of the Day

Social attitudes oftentimes take generations to change.  But if our democracy is to work in this increasingly diverse nation, then each one of us need to try to heed the advice of a great character in American fiction -- Atticus Finch -- who said "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."  For blacks and other minority groups, it means tying our own very real struggles for justice to the challenges that a lot of people in this country face -- not only the refugee, or the immigrant, or the rural poor, or the transgender American, but also the middle-aged white guy who, from the outside, may seem like he's got advantages, but has seen his world upended by economic and cultural and technological change.  We have to pay attention, and listen.

-- President Barack Obama, Farewell Address

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Quote of the Day

Because I am so often dismayed by the endlessly creative efforts that friends, family members, and clients use to circumvent this imperative healing process, I am compelled to state that this resistance is our own worst enemy.  In fact, our resistance to journey more deeply into ourselves lies at the very heart of our arrested growth.  This resistance to explore our inner emotions is primarily due to our fear and reluctance to face feelings that at one time in our life were so overwhelming and painful that we developed defenses to protect us from even knowing they exist.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 80

Monday, January 16, 2017

Quote of the Day

The challenge will be a steep one for journalists and for all Americans, when so much of what comes from the next president has to checked and double-checked.  The first step is to establish when there is a gaslighting operation in progress.  Then comes the battle to hold on to the facts.
 
-- Frida Ghitis, "Donald Trump is 'gaslighting' all of us"

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Quote of the Day

Pain is often the unwelcome herald of needed change.  Pain also insists that this change be given the attention it deserves, which is generally far more than we want to acknowledge.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 79

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Quote of the Day

When Trump says something that outrages a portion of the population and pleases one segment, he can have it both ways.  Voters eager for a tough guy president may be happy with the bully, while those who don't like it might be appeased by the denial.
 
-- Frida Ghitis, "Donald Trump is 'gaslighting' all of us"

Friday, January 13, 2017

Quote of the Day

Few of us in our early adult years are aware that these [psychological] defenses [developed in childhood] exist, let alone the powerful role they play in our lives, directing our behaviors, influencing our interpretations of others and, most importantly, causing us to replay old and painful scenarios.  Only by the time we are well into our twenties or thirties do we begin to recognize these powerful unconscious forces.  Finally, even when we do see that our history is negatively impacting our behaviors, choices, and feelings, we must confront the unspoken commandment of our families and our culture to not look, not explore, and not know our deeper self. 

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 78