We, who are good at so many things in our lives, often resist changing self-defeating behavior patterns with exquisitely wrought reasons why we can't do anything different. So we wait to learn new behavior until we feel a little less anxious, a bit less afraid or insecure. And the blackmail gets worse. The good news is that if you're willing to take action now and let your feelings of confidence and competence catch up with you, you can end emotional blackmail. The bad news is that you have to begin the change process while you are still afraid.
-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 144