Quote of the Day

Music these days can feel too painful to hear -- but that's all the more reason to keep listening.  The songs keep us hanging on.  The songs remind us to keep moving out of our isolation bubbles and into the future.  The songs give us life.  The songs also tear us apart.  That's what songs do.

-- Rob Sheffield, "Life Without Live"

Quote of the Day

Music keeps me feeling alive, keeps nudging me into the world.  I listen to mixtapes from old friends and playlists from newer ones.  I spent an entire week listening to nothing except a banged-up Maxell C-90 of Nikki Sudden rarities a friend made me in 1987.  (It turns out I've been underrating "Wedding Hotel" all these years.)  I listen to my scratchy old Fairport Convention vinyl and savor their Celtic doom-drone, as Richard Thompson and Sandy Denny sing "Meet on the Ledge."  (Plague, famine, pestilence -- the ambient hum of the Irish psyche.)  But when I listen to old music, new music, bad music, I'm dreaming of crowds.  Tiny crowds in sleazy bars.  Gigantic stadiums in the sun.  DIY caves.  Glittery dance floors.  Karaoke rooms.  Wherever there's a cluster of music fans who couldn't talk themselves out of showing up.

-- Rob Sheffield, "Life Without Live"

Quote of the Day

I go see bands every chance I get, and I live in New York City, where's there's plenty of chances.  Live music is how I measure out the next week, month, year of my life.  But on a bigger scale, the shows are how we measure history.  When you picture the past or the future, you imagine what musicians are doing in a room and who shows up to hear it.  You can define any point in the arc of human history by who was in Fleetwood Mac at the time.  (And whose hotel bed they were sharing.)  So what does music fandom mean at a time when we can't gather together to celebrate, discover, experiment?

-- Rob Sheffield, "Life Without Live"

Quote of the Day

I did forgive (my dad for not accepting me when I first came out).  But I also don't know if I've ever been able to let myself feel the full scope of anger and grief that was truly going on for me during the years I felt most rejected.  I think it's too scary.  My pain was immense -- but I also had to survive.

-- Cameron Esposito, Save Yourself, p. 182

Quote of the Day

When late-night hosts deliver political opinions via jokes, they have a greater chance of connecting with a large group of people.  A good comic can relax folks enough to broaden horizons and change minds.  For instance, if you grow up in a homophobic world, jokes can push for acceptance by planting the seed of a new idea, like that gay people are people.  That's one reason I was drawn to stand-up: so I could make the world safer for me to live in by cleverly introducing myself and my ideas.  It's manipulation, used for good!  Though it can also be used for evil.

-- Cameron Esposito, Save Yourself, p. 166

Quote of the Day

Two weeks into being a lightly paid pro comedian and comedy had already treated me better than the Church I'd given two decades to, and the parents who, you know, physically made me.  And that totally rocked my world.  I'd had no idea that there was anywhere that being gay wasn't a deal breaker; I was out in the real world on my own for the first time, trying to figure out if anything was at all safe.  It's not like I had any queer castmates saying, "It gets better!"  It was just this group of straight people not being violently disgusted by me or worried for my eternal soul.  My mind was blown.

-- Cameron Esposito, Save Yourself, p. 140

Quote of the Day

Coming out feels like (the) sex talk in reverse: You sit your folks down and say things they probably find too informative and too uncomfortable.  It feels confrontational and clinical.

-- Cameron Esposito, Save Yourself, p. 118-119

Quote of the Day

After years of feeling different I finally had confirmation: I am different from a lot of people I know and almost everyone I grew up with -- but I am also not the only one of my kind!  A lifetime of feeling like a post-meteor dinosaur and now, overnight, I had words to describe myself, a neighborhood in every city, a parade every summer, and a queer family history.

-- Cameron Esposito, Save Yourself, p. 100

Quote of the Day

Men are cultured to feel ownership over their female children.  That's why dudes say things like "As a father of a daughter..." to start off their contribution to a conversation about basic human dignity for people who happen to be women.  Men aren't taught to empathize with us, but to protect us as extensions of themselves.  We are seen in relation or relief, rather than as distinct autonomous individuals.  Living in a patriarchal society means fathers view daughters as an offering, as a good to trade to other men as a way of improving one's position.  That's the history of marriage.  I'd been very high achieving, which meant that my dad was a success with a solid prize to offer mankind -- and my rejecting men [because I was gay] was a rejection of his value.  Not that he has ever spoken to me about any of this or made me feel it directly.  It's the dang water, man.  It's the system.

-- Cameron Esposito, Save Yourself, p. 99

Quote of the Day

Catholicism convinced my folks that their kids were one decision away from hell at any time, and whether that was wearing a nose ring or being honest about identity, their job was to redirect, not accept.  Exhausting!  For them and for us.

-- Cameron Esposito, Save Yourself, p. 98

Quote of the Day

Parents of lgbtq+ kids: I get that your kid might feel different to you when they come out.  It might feel like a new identity and it might be scary.  You may feel let down and you may have to mourn the person you thought your kid was.  Likely, they are sharing some of that fear and surprise.  They might even mourn their other self, too.  But there is so much joy in coming out.  I don't mean that it always goes well, or provides safety and freedom.  I am speaking only about feelings here.  Feelings-wise, coming out is elating.  It's a celebration.

-- Cameron Esposito, Save Yourself, p. 97-98

Quote of the Day

I'd been praised and validated [by my parents] for "holy" or achievement-related behavior my whole life ... Coming out was my first experience with letting them down.  And I really let them down.

-- Cameron Esposito, Save Yourself, p. 97