Quote of the Day

... you many not be immediately aware of the presence of this (narcissistic personality) disorder in a person until she feels displeased with you in some way.  Initially, in fact, if you have something that an NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) colleague wants, such as status, money, power, beauty, etc., she may pursue and shower you with attention in an effort to gratify you.  However, as soon [as] you become more closely involved with her, you will begin to feel the current of the one-way street.  At first you may simply feel a sense of frustration that this person tends to distract you from your work, perhaps requiring an excess of attention and support.  Inevitably, over time, you will have stronger feelings of frustration and exasperation, as well as a growing uneasiness about the relationship.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 146-147

Quote of the Day

 The NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) businessperson is acutely aware of who is getting what in terms of recognition, opportunity, and power-making decisions.  The ability to gain influence over potential competitors is a drive that will not abate until the NPD individual has surpassed that person or neutralized any threat to his own goal.  Consequently, you must achieve a bottom line of boundary setting ability with this person.  This is essential if you are going to prevent problems or defend yourself effectively from the NPD coworker or, worse yet, the NPD boss.  Along with protecting yourself from hurt, exploitation, or betrayal, we are also now talking about self-preservation in terms of your career.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 146

Quote of the Day

... no one can play tougher, meaner, and more cleverly than the NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) individual.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 146

Quote of the Day

The more narcissistic, self-absorbed, or "me focused" an individual is, the more she is caught in the perpetual striving to feel important, valued, stable, and secure.  The codependent individual, who is "other focused," is stuck striving for a sense of self by gaining and maintaining the acceptance and approval of others (primarily through their ability to give -- especially empathy).  The narcissistic individual typically externalizes her flaws onto others and defends against the self-reflection that would require developing empathy for others.  Similarly, the codependent is the person who internalizes the flaws of others onto herself and defends against recognizing her need to develop her strengths through self-assertion and self-care.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 145

Quote of the Day

Overall, the ability to consider others and be concerned about their needs is a quality that is quite wonderful to have.  However, when we always push the same character quality to the front of the line, the virtues of listening, empathizing, and supporting quickly turn into the character defect of care-taking behaviors.  In the end, care taking is not only unhealthy for you, but for the other person too.  For instance, Kalie's friend Dana didn't need another friend to gratify her narcissistic needs; she needed a friend who would confront her behaviors, offering her a chance to look at herself and grow.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 144

Quote of the Day

... the self-righteous narcissism portrayed in a life of impeccable goodness also prevents the recognition of falseness since this person fully believes that his life reflects nothing but goodness and grace.  His false pride must be exposed by his "empathic failures" -- his inability to forgive and accept the full humanity in others and ultimately in himself.  After all, how can we say that goodness is good without love?  Only when the older brother is challenged to forgive and love his brother with all his faults and failures do we see the narcissism of the eldest brother [in the biblical story of the prodigal son].  In fact, what other means would allow the discovery of unhealthy narcissism in a person who has demonstrated a life of correct living since we cannot see his attitude towards his own human failings?

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 137

Quote of the Day

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.

-- James Baldwin

Quote of the Day

The ability to recognize your own unhealthy narcissism will empower you to speak out against the unhealthy narcissism in your partner.  Your choices involving your relationship will also become clear to you as you claim a life of authenticity.  When you can build your relationship on the sacred ground of truth and love, you will find the fulfillment and contentment of true intimacy -- an intimacy of love that comes from the deep knowing of another person and, in turn, of being known.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 135

Quote of the Day

There are not two of you, sir.  There is not you, the father -- and you, the internet misogynist.  The internet you IS YOU.  If you are a misogynist on the internet, you are also a misogynist in your daughter's nursery.  While you are holding her.  While you are whispering to her your dreams for her: That she uses her heart and her mind and her passion to live a big life of purpose.  That's what you want for her right?  That's what all women want.  To be able to be fully human without the threat of violence.  Quit hating your daughter, sir.  She's a Warrior.  When we know better, we do better.  You know better now.  Step up.  For her.

-- Glennon Doyle Melton, "Quit Hating Her"

Quote of the Day

... intimacy is a "work in progress" and a lifelong commitment.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 133

Quote of the Day

Here is the thing that misogynists need to keep relearning:

If you call a woman a cunt, you are calling your sister and your mother and your infant daughter a cunt also.  You are actively creating a world in which it is okay to call those women cunts.  You are releasing poison into the air that the women in your life WILL BREATHE BACK IN.  You are poisoning your own people.  You cannot hate a woman for speaking her mind without hating all of us.  Women are a package deal.

-- Glennon Doyle Melton, "Quit Hating Her"

Quote of the Day

The relevance of each partner's childhood history and unresolved emotional issues cannot be sidestepped, no matter how much we would wish to do so ... powerful forces are at play, forces that reinforce our many rationalizations to not explore, not know, and not feel the emotional pain of our early lives.  And perhaps the most discouraging understanding in all of this is that the more intensely a person has been narcissistically wounded in childhood, the more intensely he or she will manifest a defense of denial and repression of this wounding.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 131-132