If punishers were to allow themselves a few moments of introspection, they would probably be revolted by the fears and vulnerabilities they would discover. It's one of the most fascinating paradoxes of human behavior that angry, punitive people are really very frightened, but they rarely confront or diminish those fears. Instead they lash out at others when they are frustrated to prove how strong they are. They create so much unhappiness with their behavior that they often cause people to leave them, thereby ensuring that the thing they fear the most will happen.
-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 94