The most important thing to take away from our tour of the blackmailer's psyche is that emotional blackmail sounds like it's all about you and feels like it's all about you, but for the most part it's not about you at all. Instead, it flows from and tries to stabilize some fairly insecure places inside the blackmailer. Much of the blaming, spin and self-righteousness that have made us feel so bad about ourselves -- often bad enough to give in to the blackmailer's pressure -- is not valid. It's fear-based. Anxiety-based. Insecurity-based. And those fears, anxieties and insecurities reside inside the blackmailer.
-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 99