It does not matter so much whether we have to break off all contact with our parents or not. The process of separation, the path from childhood to adulthood, takes place inside us. Sometimes breaking off all contact is the only way in which we can live up to our own needs. And if contact does appear to make sense, it should be only when we are clear in our minds about what we can take and what we cannot, only after we not only know what happened to us but can also assess what it did to us, what effect it had on us. Every individual life story is different, and the external form that relationships take can display an infinite range of variations.
-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 124