How can you love a child if you wish her to be so completely different from the way she is? If I always want myself to be different from the way I am, and if (others) want that as well, then I cannot love myself, and I can't believe that others can love me. Who do they love, after all? The person I am not? The person they can change so that they can love me? I won't event try to achieve such "love." I'm tired of it.
-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 194