Quote of the Day

I have always impressed on (my oldest son) the need to be extra courteous and not to in any way rile up the police.  It is often an exercise in humiliation, one that white folk barely have to think about, but one that can mean the difference between life and death for us.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 28

Quote of the Day

Believing that you're incapable of connecting during painful times can isolate you from life's most connected moments.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 30

Quote of the Day

Lessons of race that are learned early are hard to get rid of later on.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 25

Quote of the Day

It feels really grown-up in a good way when we accept things about ourselves, like not wearing heels, not liking whiskey, or not wanting to tell the cabdriver our life story on the way to the airport.  Then we can relax into who we really are and stop using up energy on things that don't matter.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 28

Quote of the Day

Regardless of the NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) person's capacity for change, your own growth and assertiveness efforts will reduce the degree of toxic narcissism in this relationship whether it is a co-worker, friend, family member, or partner, transforming the relationship to a more benign coexistence.  You may even see the beginnings of genuine growth.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 174

Quote of the Day

This is what race hate does to our kids ... It makes them develop a tough exterior to combat the flow of racial insanity into their minds.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 25

Quote of the Day

Guilt can be useful when it reminds us to do better, and when it lifts us up to be more responsible, mature people.  But when guilt's end game is simply more guilt with a side of guilt, without ever changing us for the better, then it only drags us down.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 28

Quote of the Day

If you are involved with a person who has the full narcissistic disorder, you will experience what is best epitomized in an analogy to a black hole -- an area in outer space so powerful that everything around it is sucked in, including light.  The black hole is the ultimate archetype of the one-way relationship with the narcissist.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 172-173

Quote of the Day

Oh God, we are near complete despair.  How can we possibly change our fate?  How can we possibly persuade our society that we deserve to be treated with decency and respect?  How can we possibly fight a criminal justice system that has been designed to ensure our defeat?  How can we possibly combat the blindness of white men and women who are so deeply invested in their own privilege that they cannot afford to see how much we suffer?

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 21

Quote of the Day

If we really want to have authentic connections with others, then we need to talk about two kinds of psychological baggage we tend to carry around, which make us completely self-conscious about our capacity to connect with people: (1) guilt about how we've let others down, and (2) resentment about being let down by others in the past.  The resulting beliefs -- that we are not enough, and that others are not enough -- get in the way of trusting our innate capacities to give.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 27

Quote of the Day

As we compassionately come to terms with the truth of our deeper feelings and experiences from childhood, we learn empathy for ourselves.  In turn, this empathy helps us let go of the anger we feel with the narcissist.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 171

Quote of the Day

Almighty, hear our prayer.  Oh God, how we suffer.  We your servants are ensnared in tragedy that doesn't end.  We can do nothing to make our tormentors stop their evil.  We cannot convince them that we are your children and don't deserve this punishment.  We have tried everything we can to keep them from slaughtering us in the streets.  They hide behind the state to justify killing us.  They say we are scary, that they are afraid for their lives.  They say this even when we have nothing in our hands but air.  They say this even when they are armed with weapons meant to remove us from the face of the earth.  They say this even when they must throw down guns to pretend that we intended to do them harm.  They say this even when video proves they are lying through their teeth.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 21

Quote of the Day

If you're choosing between saying something and saying nothing [when someone in your life is hurting], you're almost always better off saying something.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 15

Quote of the Day

What it comes to is that if we, who can scarcely be considered a white nation, persist in thinking of ourselves as one, we condemn ourselves, with the truly white nations, to sterility and decay, whereas if we could accept ourselves as we are, we might bring new life to the Western achievements, and transform them . . . The price of this transformation is the unconditional freedom of the Negro . . . He is the key figure in his country, and the American future is precisely as bright or as dark as his.

-- James Baldwin

Quote of the Day

Discovering the truth about ourselves, our thoughts, feelings, and desires is our greatest step towards growth.  When we earnestly search for the truth of our feelings, we will be ready to respond to the projections of the narcissist.  As you see past the false projections and set limits on the "entitlement" behaviors, you are free to pursue genuine respect, friendship, and love.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 170

Quote of the Day

We must face up to what we as a country have made of the black people who have been the linchpin of democracy, the folk who saved America from itself, who redeemed it from the hypocrisy of proclaiming liberty and justice for all while denying all that liberty and justice should be to us.

-- Michael Eric Dyson, Tears We Cannot Stop, p. 4-5

Quote of the Day

If you think an awkward response to a friend's crisis will make them feel bad, then you should know that if you say nothing, they will likely feel worse.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 15

Quote of the Day

Negative feelings don't disappear simply because we do not want to deal with them -- they, in fact, become more intense.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 169

Quote of the Day

There are days -- this is one of them -- when you wonder what your role is in this country and what your future is in it.  How precisely are you going to reconcile yourself to your situation here and how you are going to communicate to the vast, heedless, unthinking, cruel white majority that you are here.  I'm terrified at the moral apathy, the death of the heart, which is happening in my country.  These people have deluded themselves for so long that they really don't think I'm human.  And I base this on their conduct, not on what they say.  And this means that they have become in themselves moral monsters.

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 39

Quote of the Day

You'll find that making the effort to connect is worth the peace of mind it brings -- not to mention a better night's sleep, because you aren't lying awake at night feeling like a terrible person for not emailing so-and-so.  In addition to the feeling of well-being that comes with aligning your actions with your intentions, this empathy practice will result in more meaningful connections.  Not just in terms of what you give, but in terms of what you receive.  Your circle of care will widen, from your best friend to a colleague to a neighbor to a causal acquaintance to even a stranger.  It sounds paradoxical, but it's true: being there in moments of suffering can actually lead to more joy.

-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 8-9

Quote of the Day

Eventually, you must come to terms with the fact that the NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) person may be unable [to] see you.  She is generally seeing only her projected image of you alongside her determination for you to conform to this image.  The painful truth you must reconcile is her inability to acknowledge you for yourself.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 169

Quote of the Day

... apathy and ignorance, which is the price we pay for segregation.  That's what segregation means.  You don't know what's happening on the other side of the wall, because you don't want to know.

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 40

Quote of the Day

Consequently, your first ally is knowledge about healthy and unhealthy narcissism.  The more you know, the less you will fear.  With knowledge and understanding, you will be able to stand your ground when the NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) individual puts you on the defensive.  Eventually, you must face the truth about the deteriorating impact that this relationship is having on your life.  Until you recognize that your avoidance of the problems in this relationship only contributes to more losses, you will likely stay in your comfort zone no matter how unsatisfied you feel.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 168

Quote of the Day

What white people have to do is try and find out in their own hearts why it was necessary to have a "nigger" in the first place, because I'm not a nigger, I'm a man.  But if you think I'm a nigger, it means you need him.  The question that you've got to ask yourself, the white population of this country has got to ask itself, North and South because it's one country and for a Negro there is no difference between the North and the South -- it's just a difference in the way they castrate you, but the fact of the castration is the American fact ... If I'm not the nigger here and you invented him, you the white people invited him, then you've got to find out why.  And the future of the country depends on that, whether or not it is able to ask that question.

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 108-109

Quote of the Day

If you are presently in a relationship with a narcissist person, you will need to develop awareness and confidence in your feelings, choices, and abilities before you can clear up your confusion about the relationship.  Your biggest trap is probably fear -- fear of the unknown.  Fear may provoke you to continually excuse the NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) person and to doubt yourself.  You may choose to keep your head in the sand, fearful of what it might mean if you recognize the depth of the problem.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 168

Quote of the Day

The future of the Negro in this country is precisely as bright or as dark as the future of the country.  It is entirely up to the American people and our representatives -- it is entirely up to the American people whether or not they are going to face and deal with and embrace this stranger who they have maligned so long. 

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 108

Quote of the Day

Like Dorothy, perhaps we have to learn the hard way.  Dorothy came perilously close to being burned alive before she could wake up to the fact that she had been chasing an illusion.  For the same reasons, we must see past the impressive show of the NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) individual and penetrate our own false beliefs before we can recognize our capacity and birthright for love.  Our courage to confront the illusions of toxic narcissism will come from some painful moment that helps us break free and see the hidden truth under the surface.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 167

Quote of the Day

I attest to this: the world is not white; it never was white, cannot be white.  White is a metaphor for power, and that is simply a way of describing Chase Manhattan Bank.

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 107

Quote of the Day

Just as Dorothy cannot make use of the power that is literally at her feet, we cannot make use of our inner gifts until we can claim with confidence that we have these natural abilities.

-- Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, p. 167

Quote of the Day

You cannot lynch me and keep me in ghettos without becoming something monstrous yourselves.  And furthermore, you give me a terrifying advantage.  You never had to look at me.  I had to look at you.  I know more about you than you know about me.

-- James Baldwin, I Am Not Your Negro, p. 103