Too often, efforts at comforting a suffering person are made before that person is asked how they're feeling. We want to help by fixing, but that often implies the "fixer" is right, and the person being fixed is "defective" for not having "solved" the problem on their own. When such attempts to comfort don't work, it's not a problem of the sufferer being unappreciative -- it's simply that the consoler failed to connect.
-- Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, There Is No Good Card for This, p. 224
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