Quote of the Day

Some pastors and churches resent the fact that the world is becoming more sensitive to abuse, rape, sexism, victims and control.  A church can flourish in so many ways under the domination of a controlling pastor.  I've seen it.  But when all of a sudden we need to be careful about how we treat others... with mutual respect, dignity and compassion... and that we must allow others their freedoms and rights... and that we cannot use people for our own ends or even the ends of a noble cause... and that there are real victims out there... and that sexism is alive and well throughout our cultures and churches... and... well... you get my point.  For many people it's becoming annoying and complicated, kind of like peanut allergies.

-- David Hayward, "how some churches manage the accusation of abuse"

Quote of the Day

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had members of my churches say, “I would much rather you just tell me what to believe than ask me to think about it. You’re the professional. Not me. Just tell me and I’ll do it.” Unfortunately, being told what to believe and how to live is highly desired and sought by many.

-- David Hayward, "10 reasons why abusive churches succeed"

Quote of the Day

In a culture that is increasingly fuzzy in its spirituality, beliefs and ethics, it can be nice to be a part of something that is clear about what it believes and how to live. It is not only satisfying, but vastly spellbinding to listen to black and white messages like it’s spellbinding to watch an accident scene. Here it is: your search for clarity is over!

-- David Hayward, "10 reasons why abusive churches succeed"

Quote of the Day

In a world of people craving any kind of attention, to get any at all is a deeply felt need satisfied in churches that hand it out abundantly but negatively. Like Leslie Morgan Steiner relates, one of the prominent characteristics of abuse survivors is that they didn’t realize they were being abused.

-- David Hayward, "10 reasons why abusive churches succeed"

Quote of the Day

There are too many examples of churches that are clearly abusive but guise it all under the discipline of the Lord. Having been a pastor for many years as well as a member of many churches and ministries, I know from experience and observation that people will suffer unbelievable abuse because they think it is from the Lord… justly deserved and fruitful.

-- David Hayward, "10 reasons why abusive churches succeed"

Quote of the Day

Most people aren’t even aware that they are limiting the dreams of girls. Most aren’t conscious of the fact that they are shaping the dreams of their daughters and female students into a sexist ideal or a misogynist fantasy. Not only do men do this, but women too. This can be corrected.  I was raised in a sexist culture. I need constant instruction to overcome my innate assumptions that are drilled into me by our misogynist society. I’m glad to be married to a strong woman. I’m glad to have a strong daughter. I’m glad to have strong women for friends.

-- David Hayward, "how to shape the dreams of our girls"

Quote of the Day

The resistance to change is enormous and manifold.  It comes from all kinds of directions: family, friends, peers, life, even our own hearts.  It requires an incredible amount of decision and courage, especially when we know change is urgent.  Perhaps it is coming out in whatever way… sexually or theologically.  Whatever the case, our inner change must eventually manifest itself outwardly.  Then a particular fearlessness is necessary.

-- David Hayward, "Changing in Spite of Resistance"