Sloughing off gratitude and guilt feelings was an extremely important stage on the path to breaking with my dependency on my internalized parents. But there were other steps that had to be taken as well. The most important of these was giving up the expectation and the hope that what I missed most sorely in my relations with my parents -- a frank exchange of feelings, the freedom to communicate -- might someday be possible after all ... The expectations originating in childhood can be so strong that we will give up everything that would do us good, in order finally to be the way our parents wanted us to be and thus sustain the illusion of love.
-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 114