Quote of the Day

Don't try to win over the haters; you're not the jackass whisperer.

-- Scott Stratten

Quote of the Day

Now that I had left the church, Jason was trying to show me what he had already experienced.  His comment about it being like Christmas reminded me of the movie The Nightmare Before Christmas, where everyone lives in Halloween Town, and all they know from is a world related to Halloween.  One day the main character Jack Skellington wanders into the forest and finds seven holiday doors and opens a portal to Christmas Town.  Here, for the first time, he finds that there is a world outside of Halloween.  He begins to question all he sees when he continually asks "What's this?"  It was the same thing for me and I imagine for anyone else who has left a cult-like community.  Worlds open up to you that you were previously cut off from.  I now realize that there are plenty of people in the universe doing good things.  Not just Scientologists, as I was falsely led to believe.

-- Leah Remini with Rebecca Paley, Troublemaker, p. 223

Quote of the Day

Honoring and protecting our integrity isn't easy.  Blackmailers shout down our inner guidance by creating confusion and uproar, and as they do, we seem to lose contact with the knowing parts of ourselves, only to kick ourselves when we realize we've given in again.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 130

Quote of the Day

The strange idea of having to love God so that He does not punish me for my rebelliousness and disappointment, but instead rewards me with the love that forgives all, becomes just as much the expression of our childish dependency and insecurity as the assumption that, like our parents, God is in desperate need of our love.  But is this not a completely grotesque idea?  A higher being dependent on inauthentic feelings dictated by morality is strongly reminiscent of the insecurity displayed by our frustrated and disoriented parents.  Such a being can be called God only by people who have never questioned their own parents or thought about their dependency on them.

-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 39

Quote of the Day

If conservative Christians continue to treat LGBT people as second-class citizens and cry persecution every time they don't get their way, they will lose far more than the culture wars.  They will lose the Christian identity.  We've obscured the gospel when the "right to refuse" service has become a more widely-known Christian value than the impulse to give it.

 -- Rachel Held Evans, "For the sake of the gospel, drop the persecution complex"

Quote of the Day

I only accept and pay attention to feedback from people who are also in the arena.  If you're occasionally getting your butt kicked as you respond, and if you're also figuring out how to stay open to feedback without getting pummeled by insults, I'm more likely to pay attention to your thoughts about my work.  If, on the other hand, you're not helping, contributing, or wrestling with your own gremlins, I'm not at all interested in your commentary.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 171

Quote of the Day

After thinking a certain way, and being told what to think based on strict policy for more than thirty years, learning to think for myself and make my own choices did not come easily, nor did it happen overnight.  Now, more than two years after cutting ties with the church, I'm still trying to figure things out.  This mindset, which had been drilled into me for decades, is not an easy thing to "unlearn."  With practically every decision I made when I first left (and still even now), I had to ask myself Is that what you really think, or what a Scientologist would think?

-- Leah Remini with Rebecca Paley, Troublemaker, p. 221-222

Quote of the Day

Though we tend to equate integrity with honesty, it's actually much more.  The word itself means "wholeness," and we experience it as the firm knowledge that "This is who I am.  This is what I believe.  This is what I am willing to do -- and this is where I draw the line."

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 128

Quote of the Day

A system of morality tells us what to do and what not to do, but it cannot tell us what we should feel.  Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated.  We can only repress them, delude ourselves, and deceive our bodies.  But as we have already seen, our brains are permanent repositories of our emotions; these are retrievable, susceptible of experience, and luckily they can be transformed without risk into conscious feelings.  And if we are fortunate enough to find an enlightened witness, we can learn to recognize their meaning and their causes.

-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 38

Quote of the Day

I've been watching people with golden crosses around their necks and on their lapels shout at the TV about how serving gay and lesbian people is a violation of their "sincerely-held religious beliefs."  And I can't help but laugh at the sad irony of it.  Two-thousand years ago, Jesus hung from that cross, looked out on the people who put him there and said, "Father, forgive them."  Jesus served sinners all the way to the cross.

-- Rachel Held Evans, "For the sake of the gospel, drop the persecution complex"

Quote of the Day

When we stop caring about what people think, we lose our capacity for connection.  When we become defined by what people think, we lose our willingness to be vulnerable.  If we dismiss all the criticism, we lose out on important feedback, but if we subject ourselves to the hatefulness, our spirits get crushed.  It's a tightrope, shame resilience is the balance bar, and the safety net below is the one or two people in our lives who can help us reality-check the criticism and cynicism.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 169

Quote of the Day

Even now, after decades in this business, I still have moments where I am trying to fit in as an actress in Hollywood, as if I were somehow an imposter.  For so long, I looked for acceptance from everyone from my dad to the people in this town.  What I have slowly come to realize, and often still have to remind myself of, is this: There is no "right" way to be.  I am flawed and imperfect, but am uniquely me.  I don't fit in and probably never will.  And I don't have to try to anymore.  That other person was a lie.  And let's face it, normal is boring.  We all have something to offer the world in some way, but by not being our authentic selves, we are robbing the world of something different, something special.

-- Leah Remini with Rebecca Paley, Troublemaker, p. 170

Quote of the Day

How often do we deprive ourselves of something that's reasonable and well within our means simply because we fear another person's reaction?

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 127

Quote of the Day

All their lives, (children) will force themselves to offer their parents something that they neither possess nor have any knowledge of, quite simply because they have never been given it: genuine, unconditional love that does not merely serve to gratify the needs of the recipient.  Yet they will continue to strive in this direction because even as adults they still believe that they need their parents and because, despite all the disappointments they have experienced, they still hope for some token of genuine affection from those parents.

-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 37-38

Quote of the Day

As Christians, our most "deeply held religious belief" is that Jesus Christ died on the cross for sinful people, and that in imitation of that, we are called to love God, to love our neighbors, and to love even our enemies to the point of death.  And yet right now, the prevailing perception of American Christians is that baking a cake for a gay couple is too much to ask.

-- Rachel Held Evans, "For the sake of the gospel, drop the persecution complex"

Quote of the Day

Recently I saw a band play on Saturday Night Live.  It's mostly one guy but he tours with 9+ people, all of them men.  Every one of them wore T-shirts.  If a group of nine women wore T-shirts on a national TV show, people would 1) ridicule them for not trying to look pretty, or 2) think it was an art project.  At the very least it would be notable.

-- Carrie Brownstein, Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl, p. 192

Quote of the Day

If we are the kind of people who "don't do vulnerability," there's nothing that makes us feel more threatened and more incited to attack and shame people than to see someone daring greatly.  Someone else's daring provides an uncomfortable mirror that reflects back our own fears about showing up, creating, and letting ourselves be seen.  That's why we come out swinging.  When we see cruelty, vulnerability is likely to be the driver.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 167

Quote of the Day

I understood that Scientology was about following the precepts, laid down in the policy by the leader, L. Ron Hubbard.  If you did that, your life would be good.  But if you committed overts, or transgressions, and didn't talk about them, didn't take Scientology courses and auditing, then you would receive something bad back from the universe.  And the only way to really do things right for yourself, and the universe, was to stay connected to the church.

-- Leah Remini with Rebecca Paley, Troublemaker, p. 16

Quote of the Day

By hiding her feelings, she was training him to escalate his punishing behavior to keep her in line.  Blackmailers learn how far they can go by observing how far we let them go.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 125-126

Quote of the Day

What (the body) needs above all else is the truth.  As long as this truth remains unidentified and a person's genuine feelings about his/her parents continue to be ignored, the body has no choice but to go on producing symptoms.

-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 37

Quote of the Day

Musicians, especially those who are women, are often dogged by the assumption that they are singing from a personal perspective.  Perhaps it is a carelessness on the audience's part, or an entrenched cultural assumption that the female experience can merely encompass the known, the domestic, the ordinary.  When a woman sings a nonpersonal narrative, listeners and watchers must acknowledge that she's not performing as herself, and if she's not performing as herself, then it's not her who is wooing us, loving us.  We don't get to have her because we don't know exactly who she is.  An audience doesn't want female distance, they want female openness and accessibility, familiarity that validates femaleness.  Persona for a man is equated with power; persona for a woman makes her less of a woman, more distant and unknowable, and thus threatening.  When men sing personal songs, they seem sensitive and evolved; when women sing personal songs, they are inviting and vulnerable, or worse, catty and tiresome.

-- Carrie Brownstein, Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl, p. 165-166

Quote of the Day

The discomfort of conservative Christians whose views on gender and sexuality are being challenged more than they once were is nothing compared to the suffering faced by LGBT people and religious and ethnic minorities in this country.  We would all do well to remember that.

-- Rachel Held Evans, "For the sake of the gospel, drop the persecution complex"

Quote of the Day

If you decide to walk into the arena and dare greatly, you're going to get kicked around.  It doesn't matter if your arena is politics or the PTO, or if your great dare is an article for your school newsletter, a promotion, or selling a piece of pottery on Etsy -- you're going to be on the receiving end of some cynicism and criticism before it's over.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 167

Quote of the Day

Ironically, for me and for most other people who have left the church and spoken out against it, the very qualities that we've been penalized for -- defying, questioning, thinking independently -- are the same qualities that made us prime candidates for Scientology in the first place.

-- Leah Remini with Rebecca Paley, Troublemaker, p. xiv

Quote of the Day

The hard truth is that every time we let someone undercut our dignity and integrity, we are colluding -- helping them hurt us.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 124

Quote of the Day

The body cannot relate to the commandments of morality.  Ethical concerns are entirely alien to it.  Bodily functions like breathing, circulation, digestion respond only to the emotions we actually feel, not to moral precepts.  The body sticks to the facts.

-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 33

Quote of the Day

The role of a woman onstage is often indistinct from her role offstage -- pleasing, appeasing, striking some balance between larger-than-life and iconic with approachable, likable, and down-to-earth, the fans like gaping mouths, hungry for more of you.

-- Carrie Brownstein, Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl, p. 138

Quote of the Day

Furthermore, when Christian leaders predict God's impending judgment on the U.S. in the wake of the Supreme Court decision, arguing "our country's foundations are being destroyed," it suggests that slavery, genocide, extreme gender inequality, and Jim Crow weren't serious enough to warrant a response from God, but now that our gay neighbors can get marriage licenses, all hell is sure to break lose.  This reveals a profound ignorance regarding the suffering of other minority groups, both historically and presently.  When white conservative Christians obsess over their own perceived oppression, it becomes incredibly difficult to engage in important conversation about religious, racial, and gender privilege that are necessary for creating a more just society.  How can we begin to recognize our own privilege and the harm it can cause when it remains unchecked if we believe ourselves to be an oppressed minority?

-- Rachel Held Evans, "For the sake of the gospel, drop the persecution complex"

Quote of the Day

I don't want the fear of floodlighting to stop anyone from sharing their struggles with the world, but being mindful about what, why, and how we share is important when the context is a larger public.  We're all grateful for people who write and speak in ways that help us remember we're not alone.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 162

Quote of the Day

I was taken with the idea that a deep, systematic, and straightforward wisdom on how to live the best life for myself (and the planet) could be presented before me in a direct, tangible, and comprehensive way.

-- Leah Remini with Rebecca Paley, Troublemaker, p. xi

Quote of the Day

We may believe that we can make another person's troublesome behavior disappear if we just ignore it or don't make a fuss, but the message we send when we're not forthright about what's unacceptable is "It worked.  Do it again."

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 124

Quote of the Day

The body is the guardian of the truth, our truth, because it carries the experience of a lifetime and ensures that we can live with the truth of our organism.  With the aid of physical symptoms it forces us to engage cognitively with this truth so that we can communicate harmoniously with the child within, the child who lives on inside us, the child who was once spurned, abused, and humiliated.

-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 31

Quote of the Day

My favorite kind of musical experience is to feel afterward that your heart is filled up and transformed, like it is pumping a whole new kind of blood in your veins.  This is what it is to be a fan: curious, open, desiring for connection, to feel like art has chosen you, claimed you as its witness.

-- Carrie Brownstein, Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl, p. 5

Quote of the Day

What the persecution complex suggests is that conservative Christians only care about bullying, oppression, and discrimination when it happens to them.  If it happens to LGBT people, or to people in other religious minority groups, it is of little concern (or is tacitly supported).  Compassion and advocacy are rooted in self-interest alone and Christian privilege is guarded ruthlessly, even if it comes at the expense of others.

-- Rachel Held Evans, "For the sake of the gospel, drop the persecution complex"

Quote of the Day

Sharing yourself to teach or move a process forward can be healthy and effective, but disclosing information as a way to work through your personal stuff is inappropriate and unethical.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 162

Quote of the Day

Every day of our lives, we teach people how to treat us by showing them what we will and won't accept, what we refuse to confront, what we'll let slide.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 124

Quote of the Day

Probably every child who has suffered abuse must assume an attitude like this in order to survive.  These children reinterpret their perceptions in a desperate attempt to see as good and beneficial things that outside observers would immediately classify as crimes.  Children have no choice.  They must repress their true feelings if they have no "helping witness" to turn to and are helplessly exposed to their persecutors.  Later, as adults lucky enough to encounter "enlightened witnesses," they do have a choice.  Then they can admit the truth, their truth; they can stop pitying and "understanding" their persecutors, stop trying to feel their unsustainable, disassociated emotions, and roundly denounce the things that have been done to them.  This step brings immense relief for the body.

-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 27

Quote of the Day

The role of the fan is still to be a participant, and to participate is to grant yourself permission to immerse, to willingly, gladly, efface and subsume yourself for the sake of the larger meaning but also to provide meaning.  It's symbiotic.

-- Carrie Brownstein, Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl, p. 4-5

Quote of the Day

Facing disagreement is not the same as facing persecution.  Conservative Christians are right about one thing: public opinion has shifted on same-sex marriage (particularly within the Church), and this means they are more likely to encounter pushback whey they insist same-sex marriage ought to be illegal.  Facebook friends may argue with them.  Comedians may satirize them.  Bloggers may write posts like these disagreeing with them.  But to conflate such disagreement with the sort of persecution Jesus warned his disciples about is not only myopic, but also a slap in the face to those Christians who face very real persecution around the world.

-- Rachel Held Evans, "For the sake of the gospel, drop the persecution complex"

Quote of the Day

I don't tell stories or share vulnerabilities with the public until I've worked through them with the people I love.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 161

Quote of the Day

Your fight to hold on to what you know, or even just to realize that you've locked away the perceptive center of yourself, may not be as dramatic as Roberta's but it's every bit as important.  Just as owning her own truth was a matter of psychic survival for Roberta, for most of us it's the only way to end emotional blackmail.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 122

Quote of the Day

It is in this way that dictators are born; these are people with a deep-seated contempt for everyone else, people who were never respected as children and thus do their utmost to earn that respect at a later stage with the assistance of the gigantic power apparatus they have built up around them.

-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 28

Quote of the Day

Nostalgia is so certain: the sense of familiarity it instills makes us feel like we know ourselves, like we've lived.

-- Carrie Brownstein, Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl, p. 4

Quote of the Day

Contrary to what you may have read on Facebook, pastors and priests will not be forced to marry same-sex couples or be fined for refusing to...just as they are not presently forced to marry interfaith couples if their tradition opposes it, or cohabitating couples if their tradition opposes it, or divorcees if their tradition opposes it, or interracial couple[s] if their tradition opposes it.  That religious freedom has, and very likely will, be preserved.  Just take interracial marriage, for example.  It's been 48 years since the Supreme Court ruled that the laws in sixteen states prohibiting interracial marriage were unconstitutional.  At the time, only about 25% of the American public supported interracial marriage, with many citing religious reasons for opposing it.  While public opinion has (thankfully) changed, the right of a clergy member to refuse to marry an interracial couple hasn't.  Just as a pastor can still refuse to marry an interracial couple, he can still refuse to marry a same-sex couple without fear of government intervention.  There is no indication whatsoever this will change. 

-- Rachel Held Evans, "For the sake of the gospel, drop the persecution complex"

Quote of the Day

Judgment exacerbates disconnection.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 161

Quote of the Day

None of us likes anger, but if we believe that it's always up to us to avoid it, or to squelch it to keep peace at any price, the range of actions available to us is about as wide as a tightrope: we can back down, give in, placate -- all the things that tell blackmailers how to get what they want from us.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 112

Quote of the Day

My belief is that the time has come for us to take the injuries of childhood and their consequences seriously ... This does not mean that we have to repay our parents' cruelty in kind.  It means that we must see them as they were, and recognize the way they treated us when we were small.  Then we can spare ourselves and our children the repetition of such patterns of behavior.  We need to free ourselves of the "internalized parents" carrying on their deadly work within us.  This is the only way we can say yes to our own lives and learn to respect ourselves.

-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 26

Quote of the Day

My story starts with me as a fan.  And to be a fan is to know that loving trumps being beloved.

-- Carrie Brownstein, Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl, p. 3

Quote of the Day

Living in a pluralistic society that also grants freedom and civil rights protection to those with whom one disagrees is not the same as religious persecution.  And crying persecution every time one doesn't get one's way is an insult to the very real religious persecution happening in the world today.
 
-- Rachel Held Evans, "For the sake of the gospel, drop the persecution complex"

Quote of the Day

Using vulnerability is not the same thing as being vulnerable; it's the opposite -- it's armor.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 161

Quote of the Day

Many of us live as though there were an 11th Commandment -- "Thou shalt not get angry" -- and a 12th -- "Thou shalt not get other people angry with you."

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 108

Quote of the Day

Sharing civil rights with other people is not the same as being persecuted by them.

-- Rachel Held Evans, "For the sake of the gospel, drop the persecution complex"

Quote of the Day

Only as adults do we have a choice.  But we often behave as if we were still children who never had the right to question the commandments laid down to them by their parents.  As conscious adults we have the right to pose questions, even though we know how much those questions would have shocked our parents when we were children.

-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 25

Quote of the Day

When we share vulnerability, especially shame stories, with someone with whom there is no connectivity, their emotional (and sometimes physical) response is often to wince, as if we have shone a floodlight in their eyes.  Instead of a strand of delicate lights, our shared vulnerability is blinding, harsh, and unbearable.  If we are on the receiving end, our hands fly up and cover our faces, we squeeze our entire faces (not just our eyes) shut, and look away.  When it's over, we feel depleted, confused, and sometimes even manipulated.  Not exactly the empathetic response that those telling the story were hoping for.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 160

Quote of the Day

There's nothing wrong with wanting approval, or asking for it.  But approval junkies need a constant supply, and judge that they've failed if they can't get it.  They believe they're not OK unless someone else says they are, and their sense of security depends almost entirely on outside validation.  The approval junkie's motto is "If I'm not getting approval, I've done something wrong."  Or worse yet, "If I'm not getting approval there's something wrong with me."

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 105

Quote of the Day

There are no promises.  Look deeply at joy and sorrow, at laughing and crying, at hoping and fearing, at all that lives and dies.  What truly heals is gratitude and tenderness.

-- Pema Chodron

Quote of the Day

Sexism can appear very friendly and very welcoming, so in the paper we said that sexism can act like a wolf in sheep's clothing.  We add that sexism can consciously or unconsciously cloak itself in friendliness, so in a way it's more insidious and treacherous than hostile sexism.

 -- Jin Goh, "Sexism often comes with a smile, study finds"

Quote of the Day

It is possible to find out one's own truth in the partial, non-neutral company of such a (therapeutic) companion.  In that process [with an enlightened witness] one can shed one's symptoms, free oneself of depression, regain joy in life, break out of the state of constant exhaustion, and experience a resurgence of energy, once that energy is no longer required for the repression of one's own truth.

-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 23

Quote of the Day

The most powerful moments of our lives happen when we string together the small flickers of light created by courage, compassion, and connection and see them shine in the darkness of our struggles.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 160

Quote of the Day

It's perfectly normal to want the people we care about to approve of us -- we all want their goodwill.  But when we must have it, and it becomes a drug we cannot do without, we aim a spotlight at a hot button that a blackmailer can easily zero in on.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 104

Quote of the Day

If you can surf your life rather than plant your feet, you will be happier.

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 280

Quote of the Day

It's a very paternalistic, protective view of women, and it seems kind of appealing as a sort of chivalry.  But it does contribute to inequality, because these men don't expect women to achieve high goals.

-- Jin Goh, "Sexism often comes with a smile, study finds"

Quote of the Day

The older we get, the more difficult it is to find other people who can give us the love our parents denied us.  But the body's expectations do not slacken with age -- quite the contrary!  They are merely directed at others, usually our own children and grandchildren.  The only way out of this dilemma is to become aware of these mechanisms and to identify the reality of our own childhood by counteracting the processes of repression and denial.  In this way we can create in our own selves a person who can satisfy at least some of the needs that have been waiting for fulfillment since birth, if not earlier.  Then we can give ourselves the attention, the respect, the understanding for our emotions, the sorely needed protection, and the unconditional love that our parents withheld from us.

-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 22

Quote of the Day

Spirituality emerged as a fundamental guidepost in Wholeheartedness.  Not religiosity but the deeply held belief that we are inextricably connected to one another by a force greater than ourselves -- a force grounded in love and compassion.  For some of us that's God, for others it's nature, art, or even human soulfulness.  I believe that owning our worthiness is the act of acknowledging that we are sacred.  Perhaps embracing vulnerability and overcoming numbing is ultimately about the care and feeding of our spirits.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 151

Quote of the Day

A good friend of mine from college said the nicest thing about my last book, Supergirl Mixtapes; she told me that it made her feel seen.  It made me think about how, even with all the zillion channels and Internet video and everything, there are so many people who don't see themselves in mainstream media, and they don't feel like the mainstream is seeing them.  It made me think about the kind of girls that we were in college, and our friends -- baby artists, queer kids, enthralled with punk rock, reading poetry, hanging about in a dorm room watching a bootleg VHS of Decline of Western Civilization.  I want to write books for those kids, the ones who would rather make art than go to a frat party.  Back in high school, even my teachers called me weird.  But so what?  There are a lot of us who don't fit into whatever the overriding idea of The Norm is.  So, I guess I want to write just to say hello to my fellow weirdos.  Hi, weirdos.  I see you.  You see me.  We're not alone out here.  It's gonna be okay.

-- Meagan Brothers, "Talking Writing, Identity, and Music with Meagan Brothers"

Quote of the Day

If you've ever wondered where "stuffed" feelings and experiences go, your hot buttons are a good place to look.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 103

Quote of the Day

Your ability to navigate and tolerate change and its painful uncomfortableness directly correlates to your happiness and general well-being.

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 279

Quote of the Day

The imperfect book that gets published is better than the perfect book that never leaves my computer.

-- Gretchen Rubin

Quote of the Day

"Basically, the argument is that these two properties -- hostile sexism and benevolent sexism -- work together to maintain inequality," said lead author Jin Goh, a graduate student at Northeastern University.  Most people think of sexist men as being dominant aggressors who believe that women should be put down in society.  But other men believe that women should be treated with kindness and love, but still don't see them as being capable of achieving the same things as men.

-- Rachel Feltman, "Sexism often comes with a smile, study finds"

Quote of the Day

Only when I allowed myself to feel the emotions pent up for so long inside me did I start extricating myself from my own past.

-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 20

Quote of the Day

(Sister Monica) has a quick answer to people who say "God made them man and woman," quoting the Book of Genesis. 

"God made day and night.  There was also dusk and dawn and twilight.  There's no light switch," she said.  "There are 2,000 kinds of ants and there can't be more than two kinds of people?"

-- Renee K. Gadoua, "Sister Monica's secret ministry to transgender people"

Quote of the Day

It has sometimes seemed to me that I have lived at a certain distance from life.  This changed when Billy and I fell in love.

-- Oliver Sacks, "The tragic story of Oliver Sacks's celibacy"

Quote of the Day

Blackmail takes two.  It's a duet, not a solo performance, and it cannot work without the target's active participation.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 101

Quote of the Day

Too often we women try to tackle chaos that is not ours to fix.

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 238

Quote of the Day

When two people relate to each other authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them.

-- Martin Buber

Quote of the Day

A new study examining the nonverbal cues thrown out during interactions between men and women finds that men who have high ratings of "benevolent sexism" -- attitudes towards women that are well-intentioned but perpetuate inequality -- finds that smiling and other positive cues increase when this kind of sexism is prevalent.

-- Rachel Feltman, "Sexism often comes with a smile, study finds"

Quote of the Day

It is my firm and considered opinion that one specific and extremely well-established behavior norm -- the Fourth Commandment -- frequently prevents us from admitting to our true feelings, and that we pay for this compromise with various forms of physical illness.

-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 19

Quote of the Day

If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying?  If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?

-- Shantideva

Quote of the Day

I stand out in the world, and I love that about myself.  I didn't always feel this way, but I've come to discover that the more I embrace who I am, the more I connect with other people.  And the more I connect with other people, the more I learn about myself.

-- Brittney Griner with Sue Hovey, In My Skin, p. 216

Quote of the Day

The most important thing to take away from our tour of the blackmailer's psyche is that emotional blackmail sounds like it's all about you and feels like it's all about you, but for the most part it's not about you at all.  Instead, it flows from and tries to stabilize some fairly insecure places inside the blackmailer.  Much of the blaming, spin and self-righteousness that have made us feel so bad about ourselves -- often bad enough to give in to the blackmailer's pressure -- is not valid.  It's fear-based.  Anxiety-based.  Insecurity-based.  And those fears, anxieties and insecurities reside inside the blackmailer.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 99

Quote of the Day

...as we grow emotionally attached to characters who are part of a minority group, our prejudices tend to recede.

-- Maanvi Singh, "How Shows Like 'Will & Grace' and 'Black-ish' Can Change Your Brain"

Quote of the Day

Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 145-146

Quote of the Day

Benevolent sexism makes men more smiley when they interact with women, and that's bad news.  Men who put women on a pedestal may be the wolves in sheep clothing hindering gender equality.

-- Rachel Feltman, "Sexism often comes with a smile, study finds"

Quote of the Day

Frequently, physical illnesses are the body's response to permanent disregard of its vital functions.  One of our most vital functions is an ability to listen to the true story of our own lives.

-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 19

Quote of the Day

Emotions are like passing storms, and you have to remind yourself that it won't rain forever.  You just have to sit down and watch it pour outside and then peek your head out when it looks dry.

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 237-238

Quote of the Day

Everything depends on perspective, and how much you're willing to let people know the real you.  Some tall folks hunch over, trying to make themselves smaller.  Some short folks wear heels, trying to make themselves taller.  Me?  I don't want a hurt back or sore feet.  I want to walk along comfortably, content to let people think whatever they're going to think.  I've learned, through a lot of trial and error, that the rewards of being authentic far outweigh the risks.

-- Brittney Griner with Sue Hovey, In My Skin, p. 215

Quote of the Day

Odd as it seems, punishment keeps a blackmailer in a strong emotional connection with you.  In creating a highly charged atmosphere, blackmailers know they are activating the target's feelings for them, and even if the feelings are negative, they've created a tight bond.  You may resent or even hate the blackmailer, but as long as your focus is on them, they haven't been abandoned or discarded with indifference.  Punishment keeps a lot of passion and heat in a fractured relationship.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 98

Quote of the Day

My dream was not to publish or to even be a writer: my dream was to discover something no one else had thought of.  I guess that's why I'm a poet.  We put things together in ways no one else does.

-- Nikki Giovanni

Quote of the Day

We either own our stories (even the messy ones), or we stand outside of them -- denying our vulnerabilities and imperfections, orphaning the parts of us that don't fit in with who/what we think we're supposed to be, and hustling for other people's approval of our worthiness.  Perfectionism is exhausting because hustling is exhausting.  It's a never-ending performance.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 132-133

Quote of the Day

Art should provoke, disturb, arouse our emotions, expand our sympathies in directions we may not anticipate and may not even wish.

-- Joyce Carol Oates

Quote of the Day

Individuals who believe that they feel what they ought to feel and constantly do their best not to feel what they forbid themselves to feel will ultimately fall ill -- unless, that is, they leave it to their children to pick up the check by projecting onto them the emotions they cannot admit to themselves.

-- Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies, p. 15

Quote of the Day

When someone is being rude, abusing their power, or not respecting you, just call them out in a really obvious way.

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 237

Quote of the Day

Being true to myself has often been at odds with my desire to please others.  I've spent years trying so hard to be the version of myself that would make the most people happy.  Over time, though, I've come to realize that no matter how much I compromise, some people will never understand me.  And accepting this truth has given me a new level of comfort and freedom. 

-- Brittney Griner with Sue Hovey, In My Skin, p. 46

Quote of the Day

Most blackmailers believe they really are teaching us valuable lessons.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 96

Quote of the Day

Mommy had a wonderful library.  Richard Wright, Langston Hughes, Paul Laurence Dunbar ... but she also read trashy books that she kept in the back of her closet.  I remember a nun once saying to me that Black Boy by Richard Wright was a bad book.  I knew better but I thank her for letting me know just because you are grown and a nun you don't necessarily know what is a good from a bad book.

-- Nikki Giovanni

Quote of the Day

In addition to practicing self-compassion (and trust me, like gratitude and everything else worthwhile, it's a practice), we must also remember that our worthiness, that core belief that we are enough, comes only when we live inside our own story.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 132

Quote of the Day

Once social change begins, it cannot be reversed.  You cannot un-educate the person who has learned to read.  You cannot humiliate the person who feels pride.  You cannot oppress the people who are not afraid anymore.

-- Cesar Chavez

Quote of the Day

Emotions are not a luxury, they are a complex aid in the fight for existence.

-- Antonio R. Damasio

Quote of the Day

Your career and your passion don't always match up.  Plenty of talented people don't have the careers they want.  Plenty of untalented people make millions and make movies.

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 221

Quote of the Day

I haven't always embraced the parts of me that are different, because when you're young, it's scary to voluntarily step away from the mainstream.  But I eventually realized that faking it is draining, and that the more people who raise their hands and say, "This is me," the more they help empower other people to do the same.

-- Brittney Griner with Sue Hovey, In My Skin, p. 42-43

Quote of the Day

Like parents who believe that punishment will mold a child's character, blackmailers may convince themselves that they're helping us with their punishments.  Instead of feeling guilt or remorse about hurting someone they care so much about, they can actually feel pride.  They're making better people of us, they reason.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 95

Quote of the Day

I can't explain why I still own vinyl records … Believe me, I don't keep those albums because they're suddenly fashionable.  No, I think it's a combination of sentimentality, nostalgia and pleasure, three closely related moods.

-- Todd Leopold, "In praise of vinyl records"

Quote of the Day

Mindfulness: Taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated.  We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time.  Mindfulness requires that we not "over-identify" with thoughts and feelings, so that we are caught up and swept away by negativity.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 132

Quote of the Day

Every time we have the audacity to share our intimate story and educate someone about what it means to be gay in America, we change hearts and minds.  Through this film and book we are sharing personal and private stories of heroism.  We want what everyone in America wants: to live a life without discrimination.

-- Ingrid Duran and Catherine Pino, The Out List, p. 126

Quote of the Day

Over the next two years, I successfully conquered interactions too numerous to list here, and each time I said the words -- "I'm gay" or "This is my girlfriend" -- I felt a little lighter, the burden a bit easier the more I shared my truth.  At first I would have to force the words out of my mouth, like pushing a car uphill, practically sweating from the effort.  Now, the thought of lying about who I am makes me feel sick, the same way the truth used to.

-- Kate Fagan, The Reappearing Act, p. 182

Quote of the Day

Everyone wants to believe they will be the regular guy from Sioux City who becomes a reluctant movie star despite his best attempts to remain a sensitive tattoo artist.  People don't want to hear about the fifteen years of waiting tables and doing small shows with your friends until one of them gets a little more famous and they convince people to hire you and then you get paid and you work hard and spend time getting better and making more connections and friends.

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 219

Quote of the Day

It seems like an odd thing to say, but being who you are can take practice, especially when who you are doesn't fit neatly into the vision that society has for how you should act, what you should wear, who you should love.

-- Brittney Griner with Sue Hovey, In My Skin, p. 42

Quote of the Day

Devaluation is a common tactic for angry blackmailers.  It softens the sting of confrontation and enables them to downplay their feelings of loss.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 95

Quote of the Day

By looking inward deeply I'm trying to get outside myself and connect with other people.

-- Alison Bechdel, "Drawn from Life: The world of Alison Bechdel."

Quote of the Day

Regardless of where we are on this continuum, if we want freedom from perfectionism, we have to make the long journey from "What will people think?" to "I am enough."  That journey begins with shame resilience, self-compassion, and owning our stories.  To claim the truths about who we are, where we come from, what we believe, and the very imperfect nature of our lives, we have to be willing to give ourselves a break and appreciate the beauty of our cracks or imperfections.  To be kinder and gentler with ourselves and each other.  To talk to ourselves the same way we'd talk to someone we care about.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 131

Quote of the Day

I don't really know why the Republicans are using such hideous and mean anti-gay rhetoric.  The idea that you have to lift yourself up by pulling other people down, it's just not nice and I don't understand why you would want to be on the international stage and behave in a way that your mother would have told you isn't nice.  Your mother told you not to pick on people.

-- Christine Quinn, The Out List, p. 116

Quote of the Day

Years later, a colleague would offer me the most beautiful analogy about the emotional impact of living this way, the pain of living in a glass closet.  You tell yourself that you're just wearing a coat, protecting yourself in public, against the elements.  You tell yourself it's just temporary, that someday you'll take off the coat and be the real you.  But eventually, years later, when the time comes and you're finally ready to shed it forever, you realize you can't.  The coat has become your skin.

-- Kate Fagan, The Reappearing Act, p. 173

Quote of the Day

Good or bad, the reality is most people become "famous" or get "great jobs" after a very, very long tenure shoveling shit and not because they handed their script to someone on the street.

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 219

Quote of the Day

This constant quest to find the right balance is also a big reason I'm sharing my story, because I think anyone who has ever struggled to walk a different path, while also trying to fit in, can appreciate the difficulty of that journey and the lessons learned along the way.  In telling my story, I've come to understand myself on a deeper level, to think about how I can be the best version of myself, not just the version that others want to see.

-- Brittney Griner with Sue Hovey, In My Skin, p. 2

Quote of the Day

If punishers were to allow themselves a few moments of introspection, they would probably be revolted by the fears and vulnerabilities they would discover.  It's one of the most fascinating paradoxes of human behavior that angry, punitive people are really very frightened, but they rarely confront or diminish those fears.  Instead they lash out at others when they are frustrated to prove how strong they are.  They create so much unhappiness with their behavior that they often cause people to leave them, thereby ensuring that the thing they fear the most will happen.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 94

Quote of the Day

I came out by reading books, not by having actual experiences with other people.  I had this very formative moment: I was browsing in my college bookstore and I found this book called Word Is Out.  It was a book about a documentary film that had been made which was interviews with a whole bunch of gay men and lesbians.  I think it was made in the late '70s.  I was spellbound by this book and as I was reading it, I had this simultaneous realization that, "Oh my God, I am one of these people in this book," and also that it was OK.  Just like that, I accepted it in myself.  I didn't have any long period of struggle.  I had this great opportunity because of the moment, the generational moment, when I came out.  It was OK to be gay in 1980.

-- Alison Bechdel, "Lesbian Cartoonist Alison Bechdel Countered Dad's Secrecy By Being Out And Open”

Quote of the Day

Perfectionism is more about perception than internal motivation, and there is no way to control perception, no matter how much time and energy we spend trying.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 130

Quote of the Day

We never talked about sex or sexuality [in my family or in my culture], which is exactly why I'm a sex educator now.  I'm out to all my students.  I think it offers young people so much to have visible LGBT adults and teachers in their school.  It offers a young person the idea that, "I can make it.  I can be an adult.  I can be successful.  If you did it, I can do it, too."  That will do so much for a young person.  And that does so much for what that young person can offer our world.

-- Wazina Zondon, The Out List, p. 81

Quote of the Day

This thing, my gayness, was not something I had chosen, I told myself in that moment; it was something that had happened to me.  It was as much a part of me as my brown eyes or my right-handedness.  I could buy myself blue contact lenses, pretend I was straight, put on a show for everyone ... but underneath, my eyes would always be brown.

-- Kate Fagan, The Reappearing Act, p. 163-164

Quote of the Day

Young people can remind us to take chances and be angry and stop our patterns.  Old people can remind us to laugh more and get focused and make friends with our patterns.  Young and old need to relax in the moment and live where they are.

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 101-102

Quote of the Day

My desire to live authentically has often been at odds with my need to please.  I want to be me, but I also want to make the people around me happy.  It's a tug-of-war that has consumed me over the years, but one I'm finally learning to manage.

-- Brittney Griner with Sue Hovey, In My Skin, p. 2

Quote of the Day

One obvious reason (emotional blackmailers punish their victims) is the difference between what blackmailers tell themselves about what they're doing and why they're doing it...and the actual effect of their behavior on us.  Punishers don't see themselves as punishing, but rather as maintaining order or keeping a firm hand on things or doing "what's right" or letting us know they can't be pushed around.  They see themselves as strong and in charge.  If their behavior hurts us, so be it.  The end justifies the means.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 93

Quote of the Day

In many ways my life, my professional career has been a reaction to my father's life, his life of secrecy.  I threw myself into the gay community, into this life as a lesbian cartoonist, deciding I was going to be a professional lesbian.  In a way, that was all my way of healing myself.

-- Alison Bechdel, "Lesbian Cartoonist Alison Bechdel Countered Dad's Secrecy By Being Out And Open”

Quote of the Day

Perfectionism is not a way to avoid shame.  Perfectionism is a form of shame.  Where we struggle with perfectionism, we struggle with shame.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 130

Quote of the Day

Growing up, I performed for my family, made my poor brother learn "It's a Hard Knock Life," and we'd dance around with brooms.  It's such an interesting time now, I think, because the gay visibility is so prevalent.  Parents of Annie-singing seven-year-olds would be more conscious that maybe their son might grow up to be gay.  And I really, legitimately feel my parents never were aware in that way, or nervous of it, or even quite contemplated it.  Now, there are so many examples of "gay" that you can't just put the gay in the little gay box anymore.

-- Neil Patrick Harris, The Out List, p. 18-19

Quote of the Day

I knew these feelings weren't [sudden, strategic temptations] from the devil, because in the moments when I was most honest with myself, I understood that I had felt this way all along; I just didn't have the vocabulary and framework to give my feelings context.  I wasn't "going through a phase," as my mother and father would later suggest.  I...was...gay.

-- Kate Fagan, The Reappearing Act, p. 116

Quote of the Day

I am interested in people who swim in the deep end.  I want to have conversations about real things with people who have experienced real things.  I'm tired of talking about movies and gossiping about friends.  Life is crunchy and complicated and all the more delicious.

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 101

Quote of the Day

I've learned that my top priority is being true to myself, and making choices that reflect who I am as a person, even if those choices -- how I dress, what I talk about, who I surround myself with -- make some people uncomfortable.

-- Brittney Griner with Sue Hovey, In My Skin, p. 2

Quote of the Day

When we look at how intensely blackmailers fear deprivation, a more complex picture begins to take shape and it's easier to fathom why they act as they do.  But one question continues to nag most of the people I talk to about this subject: Why do they need to punish us?  "OK," they say.  "I see why they nag or pressure us or even make threats, but why on earth do they need to hurt us if we don't give them their way?"

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 93

Quote of the Day

Poetry is about reaching for our common humanity.

-- Richard Blanco, "Son of Cuban exiles calls reciting poem at embassy opening his 'easiest yet hardest' job"

Quote of the Day

Perfectionism is correlated with depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis or missed opportunities.  The fear of failing, making mistakes, not meeting people's expectations, and being criticized keeps us outside of the arena where healthy competition and striving unfolds.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 129

Quote of the Day

When we speak of gaydar, it's more than those obvious and cliche signifiers.  We're picking up something more sublime, yet infinitely more powerful: those invisible scars and war paint on our faces; those tribal values tinted in our eyes that say to one another: I have been where you have been, I know the darkness and the closed door, I have hurt as you have hurt, but I know the light, I am who you are, I believe what you believe.

-- Richard Blanco, The Out List, p. 11

Quote of the Day

Nobody wants to know how you feel, yet, they want you to do what they feel.

-- Michael Bassey Johnson

Quote of the Day

Any painful experience makes you see things differently.  It also reminds you of the simple truths that we purposefully forget every day or else we would never get out of bed.  Things like, nothing lasts forever and relationships can end.  The best that can happen is you learn a little more about what you can handle and you stay soft through the pain.  Perhaps you feel a little wiser.  Maybe your experience can be of help to others.

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 88

Quote of the Day

I've always held things inside, kept most of my true feelings and emotions packed away.  From the time I was a kid, I've dealt with so much hurt this way: swallowing it whole, stacking it inside me, thinking I was strong enough to ignore it and keep a smile on my face.  Meanwhile, when I was busy telling myself it didn't matter, the hurt would become sadness, then anger, and eventually it would spill over.  This seemed natural to me, coping with the ups and downs of life by stuffing everything away until nothing more could fit, then dealing with all of it coming back up at once, a tidal wave of emotion.

-- Brittney Griner with Sue Hovey, In My Skin, p. 2

Quote of the Day

Any logic or ability to see the consequences of their actions is obscured by the urgency blackmailers feel to hold on to what they have.  They're in a FOG of their own that makes them oblivious to how much they alienate other people with their bullying.  All that matters is finding immediate relief from their deprivation fears -- whatever that relief costs.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 93

Quote of the Day

Vinyl has a potential for being a better "ritualistic" medium ... you don't want to download your favourite food, you go to a good restaurant to experience that food. Certain experiences are neither downloadable nor possible to save on a hard drive.

-- Dominik Bartmanski, “The future of vinyl? Selling music as a lifestyle”

Quote of the Day

Healthy striving is self-focused: How can I improve?  Perfectionism is other-focused: What will they think?

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 129

Quote of the Day

Stepping out (or stumbling out) of that proverbial closet is a rite of passage unique to us; it makes us a tribe defined and united emotionally and spiritually by the values such a rite instills in us, namely: a respect for diversity of all kinds, a desire to love others how we want to be loved, the courage to love ourselves, a commitment to justice and empathy for every underdog, and a desire to create and beautify the world, rather than destroy it.

-- Richard Blanco, The Out List, p. 11

Quote of the Day

You have to die a few times before you can really live.

-- Charles Bukowski, The People Look Like Flowers at Last

Quote of the Day

Apologies have nothing to do with you.  They are balloons in the sky.  They may never land.  They may even choke a bird.

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 76

Quote of the Day

When I tell someone I'm a people pleaser, I'm often met with a raised eyebrow and a look that says, Really?  I never would have guessed it.  But it's true.  I want everyone to feel happy and accepted.  And I never want to be the cause of someone else's disappointment, because I know all too well how that particular brand of pain feels.

-- Brittney Griner with Sue Hovey, In My Skin, p. 1-2

Quote of the Day

Most blackmailers operate from an I-want-what-I-want-when-I-want-it mind-set.  They seem to have a childlike inability to connect behavior to consequences, and they don't appear to give any thought to what they will be left with once they've gotten the target's compliance.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 92

Quote of the Day

(Men) didn’t understand (the women’s liberation movement).  They literally didn’t understand it.  They thought it had something to do with chivalry…and that the women involved hated men … They really were putting it down and I knew, of course, it was about equal opportunity; jobs.

-- Marlene Sanders, "'Fresh Air' Remembers Broadcast News Pioneer Marlene Sanders"

Quote of the Day

Perfectionism is not self-improvement.  Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 129

Quote of the Day

Those who are awake live in a state of constant amazement.

-- Jack Kornfield, Buddha's Little Instruction Book, p. 124

Quote of the Day

A good measure is to compare the price of a book to the price of food at a sporting event. I once bought a $26 beer at a hockey game. Suddenly $26 for a book doesn't seem exactly unfair, does it?

-- Stephen Marche, "How to Quit Amazon and Shop in an Actual Bookstore"

Quote of the Day

Shame is difficult.  It's a weapon and a signal.  It can paralyze or motivate.

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 71

Quote of the Day

Like Richard Pryor, who struggled in his comedy career until he started telling jokes about growing up in a whorehouse, Kurt [Cobain] had finally discovered his unique voice, which evolved when he wrote about his family. 

-- Charles R. Cross, Heavier Than Heaven, p. 162

Quote of the Day

Emotional blackmailers often behave as though each disagreement is the make-or-break factor in the relationship.  They feel such intense disappointment and frustration when they encounter resistance that they blow up even minor discord and allow it to color the whole relationship.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 89

Quote of the Day

You become strong by doing the things you need to be strong for.  This is the way genuine learning takes place.  That's a very difficult way to live, but it also has served me.  It's been an asset as well as a liability.

-- Audre Lorde

Quote of the Day

Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving for excellence.  Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth.  Perfectionism is a defensive move.  It's the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.  Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around, thinking it will protect us, when in fact it's the thing that's really preventing us from being seen.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 128-129

Quote of the Day

If you wish to know the divine, feel the wind on your face and the warm sun on your hand.

-- Jack Kornfield, Buddha's Little Instruction Book, p. 123

Quote of the Day

A good book arrives when the mood for it has arrived in the reader.

-- Stephen Marche, "How to Quit Amazon and Shop in an Actual Bookstore"

Quote of the Day

Anger and embarrassment are often neighbors.  Sometimes we get defensive about what we feel guilty about.

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 70

Quote of the Day

The people we are not meant to be with will always reject us and turn us down.  We can never be good enough for them, if we were not good enough in the beginning.  We need to realize this and when we get a sign, a gut feeling, a nudge that this person is not for us we must look for the exit sign right there and then.  No waiting.  No doubting.  No wondering how we can make ourselves better so they see us.  You see, there are so many people who actually would want to be with us.  It is possible that because we have been so obsessed with these other folks we have completely missed the ones who loved us to begin with.  Next time you get a gut feeling that someone is ignoring you or that you are not connecting with them somehow, don't keep trying.  They could be your colleagues, your peers, your family or someone you are really attracted to.  Know that it is for the best if you don't pursue or turn your world upside down just to get their approval.  You could be the queen or the king and still be ignored and not loved ... Now go and be with the people who want to be with you.  Anybody else...well you know what to do.  Don't be with them.

-- Christina Rasmussen, "Be with the People Who Want to Be with You"

Quote of the Day

Blackmailers can be like steamrollers when we don't satisfy them, becoming ruthless in their single-minded pursuit of their goals.  It's a strange kind of love that is so blind to the target's feelings.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 88

Quote of the Day

For so much of my life, I wished into the darkness to be someone else, some elusive ideal that represented possibility and contentment.  I was steadily reaching in the dark across a chasm that separated who I was and who I thought I should be.  Somewhere along the way, I grew weary of grasping at possible selves, just out of reach.  So I put my arms down and wrapped them around me.  I began healing by embracing myself through the foreboding darkness until the sunrise shone on my face.  Eventually, I emerged, and surrendered to the brilliance, discovering truth, beauty, and peace that was already mine.

-- Janet Mock, Redefining Realness, p. 258

Quote of the Day

Perfectionism is not the path that leads us to our gifts and to our sense of purpose; it's the hazardous detour.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 128

Quote of the Day

Some days we feel like strangers.  When our heart opens, we will realize that we belong just here.

-- Jack Kornfield, Buddha's Little Instruction Book, p. 121

Quote of the Day

Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring.  Some of them love us dearly.  Many of them have good intentions.  Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness.  They aren't inherently bad people, but they aren't the right people for us.  And as hard as it is, we have to let them go.  Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can't destroy yourself for the sake of someone else.  You have to make your well being a priority.  Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful -- you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.

-- Daniell Koepke

Quote of the Day

It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for.  It takes years to find your voice and seize your real estate.

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 65

Quote of the Day

American culture worships creativity, but mostly in the abstract.  Most people really don't like new ideas that sound entirely new, particularly the experts that often have to approve them.  The trick is learning to frame new ideas as old ideas -- to make your creativity seem, well, not quite so creative.

 -- Derek Thompson, "Why Experts Reject Creativity"

Quote of the Day

Much of the pain and confusion of emotional blackmail, in fact, arises from seeing people we care about and who we believe care about us become people who need to get their way so much that they are willing to ride roughshod over our feelings.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 87

Quote of the Day

We must abolish the entitlement that deludes us into believing that we have the right to make assumptions about people's identities and project those assumptions onto their genders and bodies.

-- Janet Mock, Redefining Realness, p. 257

Quote of the Day

In all of my data collecting, I've never heard one person attribute their joy, success, or Wholeheartedness to being perfect.  In fact, what I've heard over and over throughout the years is one clear message: "The most valuable and important things in my life came to me when I cultivated the courage to be vulnerable, imperfect, and self-compassionate."

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 128

Quote of the Day

If you let cloudy water settle, it will become clear.  If you let your upset mind settle, your course will also become clear.

-- Jack Kornfield, Buddha's Little Instruction Book, p. 119

Quote of the Day

One hundred percent of teenagers dream about making out, but they only dream about making out with 5 percent of other teenagers.  This means our dreams and our realities are barely on speaking terms, so we look forward to making out with people who aren't real, keeping us in a nearly universal state of teen frustration.  It screws us up for the rest of our lives, as we keep hoping for the unattainable.  It's like if you planned your whole life around meeting Garfield, the cartoon cat.  I do not know anyone who claims they want to own a cat someday, but they're holding out for Garfield.  If I met somebody who broke up with their cats every few weeks and said, "He just doesn't eat lasagna," or "I don't know, he was nice, but seldom seemed to be thinking sassy wisecracks about the slobbering dog," I would have to assume this person was an idiot.  Yet practically every teenager on earth channels their deepest sexual and romantic yearnings into fantasies.

-- Rob Sheffield, Talking to Girls About Duran Duran, p. 186-187

Quote of the Day

Sticking up for ourselves in the same way we would one of our friends is a hard but satisfying thing to do.  Sometimes it works.

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 23

Quote of the Day

Creative people often bristle at the suggestion that they have to stoop to marketing their ideas.  It's more pleasant to think that one's brilliance is self-evident and doesn't require the gloss of sales or the theater of marketing.  But whether you're an academic, screenwriter, or entrepreneur, the difference between a brilliant new idea with bad marketing [and] a mediocre idea with excellent marketing can be the difference between success and bankruptcy.

-- Derek Thompson, "Why Experts Reject Creativity"

Quote of the Day

To an emotional blackmailer, keeping your trust doesn't count, respecting your feelings doesn't count, being fair doesn't count.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 79

Quote of the Day

Frankly, I'm not responsible for other people's perceptions and what they consider real or fake.

-- Janet Mock, Redefining Realness, p. 257

Quote of the Day

Don't squander joy.  We can't prepare for tragedy and loss.  When we turn every opportunity to feel joy into a test drive for despair, we actually diminish our resilience ... But every time we allow ourselves to lean into joy and give in to those moments, we build resilience and we cultivate hope.  The joy becomes part of who we are, and when bad things happen -- and they do happen -- we are stronger.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 126

Quote of the Day

Life lives on life.  We all eat and are eaten.  When we forget this, we cry; when we remember this, we can nourish one another.

-- Jack Kornfield, Buddha's Little Instruction Book, p. 114

Quote of the Day

Fear of pop [music] is an infantile disorder -- you should face up to it like a man.

-- Green Gartside

Quote of the Day

Being considered beautiful can be tough.  I know this because I work in Hollywood, which is filled with the most conventionally beautiful people in the world.  Beautiful people can get objectified and underestimated.  They didn't do anything to earn their genes so they have to struggle to prove they are more than their hot bods.  People assume they are happy and good in bed, and most times this is not true.  Plus, some beautiful people get a little addicted to being told they are beautiful and have real trouble when they get older, get less attention, or have their spouse cheat on them with someone considered "plain."

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 21

Quote of the Day

It's axiomatic that the more troubled the family, the more it tries to block its members when they try to become healthy again.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 70

Quote of the Day

To assign unanswered letters their proper weight, to free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves -- there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect.

-- Joan Didion, "On Self-Respect," Slouching Towards Bethlehem

Quote of the Day

That visibility which makes us most vulnerable is that which also is the source of our greatest strength.

-- Audre Lorde

Quote of the Day

Joy comes to us in moments -- ordinary moments.  We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 125

Quote of the Day

At the bottom of things, most people want to be understood and appreciated.

-- Jack Kornfield, Buddha's Little Instruction Book, p. 111

Quote of the Day

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.
 
-- Alexander Graham Bell

Quote of the Day

I had already made a decision early on that I would be a plain girl with tons of personality, and accepting it made everything a lot easier.  If you are lucky, there is a moment in your life when you have some say as to what your currency is going to be.  I decided early on it was not going to be my looks ... Decide what your currency is early.  Let go of what you will never have.  People who do this are happier and sexier.

-- Amy Poehler, Yes Please, p. 20-21

Quote of the Day

(She) found, as all blackmail targets inevitably do, that giving in once or twice doesn't end the blackmail, it only intensifies the demands.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 57

Quote of the Day

The scariest thing about abuse of any shape or form, is, in my opinion, not the abuse itself, but that if it continues it can begin to feel commonplace and eventually acceptable.

-- Alan Cumming, Not My Father's Son, p. 292

Quote of the Day

Living by other people's definitions and perceptions shrinks us to shells of ourselves, rather than complex people embodying multiple identities.

-- Janet Mock, Redefining Realness, p. 249

Quote of the Day

To set down those lists of what we're supposed to be is brave.  To love ourselves and support each other in the process of becoming real is perhaps the greatest single act of daring greatly.

-- Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 110

Quote of the Day

As rain falls on the just and the unjust alike, let your heart be untroubled by judgments and let your kindness rain on all.

-- Jack Kornfield, Buddha's Little Instruction Book, p. 110

Quote of the Day

As someone put it the other day: Acknowledging the existence of twilight doesn't require rejecting the existence of day and night.

-- Rachel Held Evans, "God and the Gay Christian’ Discussion, Week 6 & Conclusion"

Quote of the Day

Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility.

-- William Wordsworth

Quote of the Day

Once blackmailers see that their target's guilt can serve them, time becomes irrelevant.  If there's no recent incident to peg their guilt and blame-peddling on, one from the past will do just fine.  There's no point at which a guilt-producing event is allowed to diminish and reparations are considered fully made.  Blackmail targets discover that whatever their real or imagined transgression may be, there is no statute of limitations -- no point after which an ancient "crime" ceases to be an issue, or a punishable offense.

-- Susan Forward with Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail, p. 56